Harbor Raid
Photoshop CS2
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Popularity contests aren't the type of things I'm most comfortable taking part in, partly because they require a certain manner of shameless self-promoting which I have never been good at, and also present the void in definable merit which thus usually results from them. But perhaps for validation, exposure, recognition, and the chance to win a brand spanking new computer, I have inadvertently participated in one. Voting for the ModDB Concept Art Competition has opened, though I've been about a week late to garner votes for my work (above) due to practical and personal reasons.

Just so this does not come across as overwhelmingly self-absorbed, I've included eleven progress shots for good measure:
One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. Eleven.

There is also something else I've taken part in for approximately the same reasons - discounting the prospect of physical reward - and has not been decided by popular vote (or maybe just the populous of a circle of people in a meeting room). I was hesitant to go at it last year in my belligerence, but I think it's time to throw childish pride away and just see Noise Singapore as an opportunity. Unless I've been led to believe otherwise, my work At its Dawn, will be displayed at its showcase at The Heeren Shops from this Friday (that's the 7th) till sometime late in December, along with a few other digital painting and photography works on the website.

And on an entirely different note which seems not to deserve its own post...

I realised I need to stop pretending, here at least, that everything is fine with me and my life as I come around once a month or so posting well-veiled and construed thoughts, because in actuality, they are not. I have learnt, arguable if for better or worse, that I cannot and should not be throwing my emotions widely and wildly about based wholly on the notion of given freedom on the Internet, and should instead let my words reflect the person I really am because they are in the end, read by people who really are. I have never been good with being open and honest with my feelings in front of others, save perhaps anger, so it seems, even if it paints me as cold structured and clinical, that this works better for everyone including myself if just to save the trouble of explanation at the expense of perceived closeness. I am just sharing this realisation in hope that it becomes apparent that although this blog represents me, it hardly represents all of me, me at all times, or me for all time.

And We March On
Photoshop CS2
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If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

Respite
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Godwin's Space
Photoshop CS2
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There's a complete domain redesign in the works right now, every page will get a new look (which you can preview in the above presentation), and everything is expected to go live in a couple weeks' time.

Update 7:43pm: I've upgraded MT to version 3.35 and reintroduced commenting in light of the more powerful anti-spam system it's offering, so do post something, if anything, just to test it out. I know there's an ugly template here right now, but it's necessary for the new elements like tags to kick in first; I'll be designing a new layout around this and it'll be pushed out together with the rest of the site's new pages.

Futility
Photoshop CS2
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There is a certain futility in work one eventually observes on the ground. In a conscripted armed force, people from all walks of life come into play, but not everyone will do their part. Understandably one's hard work could easily be turned into another's entertainment, convenience or even promotion. So then what is the point of doing one's best? I likened it to a potter having his work destroyed upon completion, with a myriad other things happening at the same time - differing agendas, methods and attitudes - any faith previously placed in the concept of meritocracy is slowly ground to dust.

This, along with 5 older works will be shown this Saturday at the opening of NYJC's new art gallery, which coincides with her 30th anniversary celebrations. Trust me when I say the A2 prints (yes I got to keep one) look way better.

Quarteryear
(Click to enlarge)

All except the first are sketches made in the past quarter year or so. The last one consists of people from a magazine and the rest were drawn from life. Yes even the Peak one, and yes I almost froze my head off with the 10 degree winds coming straight up my face. Pardon the crude method I employed to hold the pages stationary for I do not have three hands.

Been listening a lot to The Observatory's A Far Cry From Here, which I picked up at their NUS Arts Festival gig two weeks back. It's quite a departure in terms of sound from their previous albums, which becomes very apparent if you listen back to back to Time of Rebirth; the new album sounds a lot rawer, and much more rock-oriented to say the least, but still fresh with experimentation yet retaining wonderful melodies, lyrics and that mix of soft and loudness that still work great in a live show. At the end of that gig I genuinely felt that the band, exuding so much dedication and passion, was truly among the best of Singapore. Ironic then that this album seems to deal quite a bit with the dilemma of "getting away", I can relate to that, it seems there are things to be gained just by standing your ground and being humble about it.

At its Dawn (Detail Crops)
Photoshop CS2
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I haven't worked on anything this detailed for a very long time and coming to think of it, it's almost been two years since I worked on my "A" level coursework Decadent Progression. I'm still trying to top that in terms of scale, concept and message, but this piece just doesn't come close in that respect. Regardless that wasn't my intention anyway, plus it turned out to be good endurance practice given how it took me close to four months of on and off painting to complete it - I tend to have a short span of attention and inspiration when it comes to most works. No doubt excitement from anticipating the release of Command & Conquer 3: Tiberium Wars did much to fuel my motivation, for C&C is finally returning to its roots.

Certainly like many other people, I wasn't in full support of all of the developer's decisions and designs from the onset, and although much of my opinion still stands even after I have now finally purchased and started playing the game, I've been pleasantly surprised by how the final product looks and feels, especially with the live action videos. You can tell almost immediately that EALA put in a considerable amount of effort in trying to bring back the feel of the original C&C (even if just to cash in on the huge fanbase, but I'll give them the benefit of the doubt), which is known to us in the community as Tiberian Dawn.

I had similar goals in mind when starting work on this painting. On the superficial level, I wanted to make the best tribute to a game I could possibly conjure up at this point in my life, but at the same time I also wanted to discuss certain deeper themes associated with the game. The Tiberian Dawn introduction movie was one really interesting (corny?) compilation of imagery, but it represented so much within that short half a minute - terror and fear, politics, affluence and hysteria, war, media control, economics, corruption, and frivolity. You look at it now and you can draw so many parallels to the world we currently live in, and I really wanted to illustrate this sense of a larger world which was evident in the video.

Building on that, I also wanted to bring up questions pertaining to the game and to art, and encourage people to ask them, such that the painting will tell its own story; from the mundane to the difficult and seemingly pointless: What's going on here? Where is this? What do the words mean? Who are the GDI soldiers gesturing towards? What are the rules of engagement? Who is truly justified in this war? You come to realise that everything in the frame was deliberately placed by the artist, from the Orcas to the post-it on the soldier's computer to the derelict bicycle and the graffiti, yet his intention is also to show that these objects exist only because of actions and consequences of created fictional characters within the game's (or painting's) world.

Doesn't matter if that didn't make much sense, I wasn't there when they made C&C1, so in essence what I meant is that I'm re-imagining and expanding upon a fiction in a more serious tone, pondering real-world issues we may face in an artificial setting. Having said all that I leave here the progress shots of the work in question:

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. Eleven. Twelve.

As well as wallpaper versions:
1024x768
1280x800
1280x960
1280x1024
1600x1200
1680x1050

So there, have a blessed Easter weekend everyone.

Victory
Photoshop CS2
Dawn of Victory concept illustrations
(Click to expand)

Painted these over the weekend for the Dawn of Victory mod, pretty fun to do, and I'm quite pleased with how my speed works are beginning to not look like crap.

Anyways to the someone that said Lasalle-SIA's better (and I assume you're one of those that came through the google searches, but if you're someone I know please do reveal your identity) than NAFA, I think so too, now that I've had a good look at both. That's not to say NAFA is worthless - I'm judging based on my preferences afterall - it does have its merits, but it's not really the sort of thing I'm after due to its odd enrollment practices, young target audience, cold campus vibe and syllabus focus on skills (as opposed to thought processes and concepts as is the case at Lasalle). That said, I still haven't made up my mind even though I think Lasalle is ahead on the cool meter by about 10 notches, but it doesn't matter because I can't be applying for either till my entry year.

The AEP J2s this year seem like a fun bunch, hanging out with them brought back so many memories of coursework days, that joy and pain, and forgotten constant longing for closer, more open classmates.
I can't wait to be outta this cesspit, just one last exercise, one more parade, a dozen public holidays, plus 43 weeks and life should be getting better.

Hard Fall
Photoshop CS2
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It might as well have happened this way; take away the living part of life and just throw us the uniforms, pep talks, and high flung intentions at birth. Might as well fix our feet to rails with necks hanging from power lines; encase our bodies in moulds, do away with every make-believe choice presented and just drive us there; sewing our lips, clipping our eyes and plugging our ears.

It might as well have been, but realise that it isn't. So perhaps we should treasure this ability to criticize, reflect, and demand while we can. We weren't meant to be born into coffins.

Foreign
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Sameness
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Just a backlog of stuff from my sketchbook documenting life: familiar things turning foreign and each day exuding a painful sameness, vice versa.
Few words left to say these days, well there are actually more than just a few, as some may have spotted above, but I think I'll leave them for myself to ponder upon.

Flying off to Hong Kong later this evening for a short vacation, feels good to be going someplace faraway, different yet similar at the same time; to return to the place where I spent a good few years of my childhood. Yet there's an apprehension that exists as it dawns upon me that I'm actually visiting the bastion of capitalism, a mess of concrete and steel, a giant unidentifiable clash of contrasts. Not sure what I can do there, stay-in life doesn't accomodate for much research, but I guess these revelations make for a good starting point.

Crimson Haze
Photoshop 7
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Painted this last weekend for Dawn of Victory, a mod for Star Wars Empire at War. It basically places World War II factions and an alien race in a science fiction setting, a la Harry Turtledove's Worldwar and Colonization novels, which served as inspiration for the team. I found the premise rather strange and interesting, that and also I've been dying to paint something spacey for the longest time since Homeworld 2 was released without success, plus the fact that Slipstream has lost its flagship mod and I felt like giving them a boost in morale of sorts. Think it came together rather nicely, it's also comparatively the fastest piece of work I've ever done, taking into account the amount of detail poured into the frame; if anyone wants to see work-in-progress shots I've listed them below.

Shot one.
Shot two.
Shot three.
Shot four.
Shot five.

Off on a Monday from my weekend guard duty, I've decided to upload some of the (more presentable) things that have gone into my sketchbook in the past month and a bit more.

Figurines
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Self-explanatory, exactly what it is - sketches of my bunkmates. I think I actually did this all in one night, which is a shame because there's really only one page of figure/portrait sketching in the entire book when there ought to be more. Well there's time, there's time.

Weariness
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This here's an incomplete attempt at comic-styled panel-driven visual storytelling. I sort of gave up because I didn't plan any story and it was so tedious to work this way, but the general idea was to create something fictional which paralleled my real-world experiences, evident is my weariness of conscripted service. Included was a frame with the above soldier shooting up half a city block in anger, but then I thought, naah.

04-10
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And lastly, my bunk, which interestingly is the fourth in this year, and will be my second home until December of the next. Drew this just yesterday during guard rest.

Ah indeed there is rest to be found inbetween duty shifts, but I got to enjoy (or suffer, depending on how one wants to look at it) copious amounts of it away from the guardhouse because I was serving a different nature of guard - part of an immediate reaction force on stand-by, ie. I did not have regular shifts and was liable to being called up (down, rather) at any moment (for turn-out, or when extra manpower is needed). Needless to say spending close to 24 hours (minus three or four on duty) in camp on a Sunday, stuck in bunk with no one around grows pretty torturous, and apart from the above hour-plus sketch, most of it was spent in slumber. That may be useless-information-which-no-one-gives-a-flapping-damn-about to you, but life as a V200 driver encompasses more guard duties, menial work, and the extra-manpower-the-unit-may-need than actual driving, and thus so.

That said, I may be going on my first field exercise in this coming month, depending on whether the senior guys planning orientation still want to push me to it. I have no qualms anyway, I just ask for fairness, as always.

Happy People
Photoshop 7
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You could draw links to the "four million smiles campaign", but that was not at all my original intention. The existence of said campaign though serves well as a transparent showcase of the fake things inherent in our society.

Threaded
Photoshop 7
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Person to person wired up.
The connections we make hang by threads.
Speech by bytes.
Tension but no feeling.
Do they carry any life?
Are we getting any closer?
It is easy to doubt, but what does it take to trust?

Untitled, In Progress
Photoshop 7

I'll finish the above and write something for it when I have the time, it's an image that's been lingering in my mind for a while and I intend to bring it to fruition.
Here's a quick rundown of what's happened in the past week.

Halo Graphic Novel - inspiring.
C.S. Lewis Essay Collection on faith, Christianity and the church - intriguing and thought provoking.
Raven 2 meetup - dinner, drinks and lots of laughs.
Army Half Marathon - ran a third of 6 kilometres under pouring rain.
Unit external inspection - showtime for those that give a damn.
Thoughts to images - a few but too little time.
More - next time.

They're Building Hate Today
Photoshop 7
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Drew some direct reference from Manet's Execution of Maximilian, but as to what the work means, I'll leave it up to interpretation.

Actually I didn't catch the Parade at all last night, I was out at NTU (of all places, but read on anyway) with some old AEP friends, namely Ivy, Nick, Guanghui, and initially Will too but that chap had to book in, as well as Shihui and Peiling for, well, dinner. It sure was an interesting setting - on the grass lawns on top of the wavy-curvy ADM building overlooking most of the campus - and I'd be lying if I said I'd rather have been at home because I truly had a good time. It wasn't so much the place or food, but the company, I never would've guessed we'd (okay excluding me, and Guang since he'd left earlier) end up in the dorm room singing songs of praise along to Nick's guitar strumming. Indeed it wasn't the things that we did, but the ease at which they were done, and I am content with these smaller things.

Protection
Photoshop 7
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Who decides what we read, hear, and see? Who decides what we can or cannot do and say?
Who are we answerable to?
Who are you answerable to?

Breaking Ranks
Photoshop 7
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Not sure exactly what it's supposed to mean, if I had to I'd say it's the search for identity and dignity, and the struggle with being.

Life's been fine so far.

Been doing some random jobs in the past few weeks. Actually "job" may be a misleading word to some, because I'm not getting paid for any of this; but it's fun, I get to help a friend, and it counts as practice, so why not when I have nothing to lose?

This is a graphical overhaul of The Sir. Community's website, the idea came expanded from their last site's splash interface, which I had made some months back.

Old Sir. Community website splash navigation
Photoshop 7
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New Sir. Community website backdrops
Photoshop 7
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Various levels of editing was involved in each backdrop in this series, all of which started from a screenshot taken from Battlefield 2. Most of the work came in creating and adding the "Sir. signpost" and making it fit into the ingame environment.

I've also got a T-shirt graphic here made for my V200 AFV course that's ending next week.

What Traffic?
Photoshop 7
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It's true, when we go on the roads (those who live in the Yishun-Sembawang-Khatib area may have seen us before) people just stare, and most motorists would rather avoid us if given a choice. It's no wonder, the vehicle is large, dark, heavy, powerful, loud and not like anything else on the roads. At cross-junctions it's amusing to see drivers and passengers turn their heads to follow our direction of travel as we drive past them. Children point and wave smiling as pedestrians step back from the kerbsides, it's like we (or maybe the prominent L-plates) exude a certain aura of reverence (or danger). As a driver, or standing from the rear hatches and observing, you can't help but feel some pride, some semblence of purpose, finally. It's better when people know what you're doing, you don't feel alone, wasted and used. Even if just superficial speculation that's detatched from true appreciation, you feel like you have a real part to play in the country's defence.

After next week (presuming we pass the test on Tuesday) we'll be posted to our parent units to assume our operational roles; we probably won't be going on the roads too much; we'll be staying-in; going out-field; performing daily maintenance; learning the ropes from the laojiaos (old birds), it'll certainly be different then, I'm just hoping for commanders that deserve and command my respect, and then I'll be ready for anything.

Challenge to growth
Photoshop 7
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Revisiting the theme of man's decadent progression in his addiction to materiality.

Forging Ahead
Photoshop 7
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Also available in 1024x768 and 1280x960.

So it's back to stay-in-camp life for me, goodbye.

The Cat Empire
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The Cat Empire is awesome. I simply can't think of another word to describe this band, they play a really really cool mix of jazz, funk, reggae, world music plus a great touch of personality. Well words don't do them justice, you'll have to listen for yourself.

Gotta say I had a rather fulfilling day, even though it consisted mainly of walking around the quay area aimlessly simply snapping photos and taking in the serene atmosphere; just some time out to observe, reflect and plan. Dropped by the Arts House while on my walk with no destination in mind and finally purchased Camra's Normally Open, which I've wanted for the longest time, and Serenaide's The Other End of The Receiver. Still with nothing to do, I headed down to Funan hoping to get Half Life 2: Episode One but no one seemed to have it in stock, I felt totally defeated until I chanced upon a final remaining copy of Mae's The Everglow in a Christian bookstore, needless to say, it's now mine. With hours to spare I hung around Boat Quay, making a pen sketch to kill time.

Fullerton
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Preshow
(Click to enlarge)

Then I headed back to the Esplanade - from where I had begun actually - and while waiting for The Cat Empire to start playing I made another (crappy) quick sketch. So in all, considering I've got three new records, took a bunch of photos, made a couple of drawings, and listened to one great live band - maybe my lobo life at Air Force School has been too boring of late - it feels like I didn't waste another weekend away; and damn right that feels good.

Because I Look Like an Artist
Photoshop 7
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The appreciation of art is most certainly a subjective process, but I believe there are certain basic visual and/or conceptual qualities which must be present before something can be deemed as a piece of art - or with reference to the matter at hand, deemed as a piece of art worth showcasing to the world wide web. I for one think that these qualities are severely lacking in many of the pieces in Noise Singapore's online showcase. If you don't get what I mean and want a comparison, just go look at what the rest of the world is doing.

This piece is about the image of the artist in society's collective eye, what happens when people use stereotypes to claim value in art when their work clearly shows lack of any talent, originality and even more so shame? It is a reaction against bad design, arrogant misers, scenester wanna-bes and people who think they own the world.

Kill or be Killed
Photoshop 7
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At the end of the day, all we are meant to be are killing machines. Afterall, the universal rule from the infantryman to the tanker to the pilot is to kill or be killed, but can you when you're called to do it? Does killing in defense make the act easier? What are we defending anyway?

Supply Chain, Part 2
Photoshop 7
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You're sold to it, but so is he, her, and everybody else. You'd fight to get your slice; but competition is just a word; we're all after the same things which we can't and won't share, and in the end, everyone simply loses.

Supply Chain, Part 1
Photoshop 7
(Click to expand)

It's like shopping at a supermarket. Do you want it or need it? If it's not this one, it's the other, but they're all the same so you're sold to it regardless. Buying, selling, bigger, more, wealthier, healthier, happier. Are you happy with your role in this supply chain?

Dutybound Citizen Soldier
Photoshop 7
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It was so hard to imagine what it'd be like before we went in.

But now that we're in, it's hard even to remember what life used to be like.

Game of Life
Photoshop 7
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Boh Tea Farm
Pen and marker on paper

Outside Bunk Five
Pen on paper

Non-routine
Pen on paper
Photoshop 7 paintover

(Click each to enlarge)

Untitled
Photoshop 7
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Citylines
Coloured pencil, pen, and marker on paper
(Click to enlarge)

So what's been up in my life? Went to check out the briefings for A level students at Lasalle on Friday, definitely made me understand better the distinction between certain courses offered. I'll probably apply for Fine Arts since Graphic Design, I feel, is way too focused on industry preparation, and to be frank a lot of the works they showed (not Advertising Design, those were good) just weren't there stylistically, aesthetically and skills-wise.

Caught Munich yesterday, it's a pretty damn good action thriller on the whole because it explores a lot of the issues still relevant in today's context. And that's scary because it's a film set 30 years in the past, the same things are still ongoing today. The dynamics of exchange between governments, clandestine groups and their operations, the power of the press and mass media, which was evident throughout the film, the motivations of terrorists and conflicts within those who have to fight them, the cycle of violence created from revenge, and so on and so forth. I'm quite certain it's all deliberate anyway because firstly if it were a factual historical documentary with no relevance to anything, it wouldn't sell, secondly anyone who'd watched the film should notice the poignant closing shot of the film before the credits roll.

So, what else is there to talk about. Did almost nothing today other than paint, read, and fix up the gallery (it went down due to some minor discrepancies which arose after server maintenance, anyways I'll also be updating it in a moment), I seriously could get used to such a lifestyle, but there's no escaping the fact that I'm receiving my posting next Saturday. I hope it's not something like Guards, Infantry or SISPEC or... actually, anything in fact. I pray that I really can find strength somehow to get past these two years safely and simply, but the revelation from a Lasalle lecturer that her male students have gotten slack visual arts-related jobs in NS before doesn't make me feel any better because there's no chance that me, a PES B combat-fit soldier would be given a desk job. All thanks to the wonders of economic resource allocation.

Anyhow I'll be away in Malaysia for 3 days starting next Tuesday, and my block leave ends on the 20th. Not that it's a big surprise for me to be away, but just so you know.

Bunk
Coloured pencil and marker on paper
(Click to expand)

So it's been 12 weeks, only one more to go to POP (Passing Out Parade). Sure there were tough times, there were times I just totally felt like giving up, and even times that I cried, but there were also enjoyable moments and all that time surely did fly. I could probably say at this point that the Army, or at least BMT, isn't what I expected. I was expecting worse, expecting to get screwed upside down on a daily basis, I didn't even know that the bulk of our commanders were NSFs like us, barely a couple years older. I have a lot to be thankful for, Raven Company is probably one of the best in BMTC in terms of welfare, yet it's not lacking in discipline either, at least that's what I feel. The platoon's great too, commanders and recruits alike, I mean, which Platoon Commander would order pizza for recruits? Or extend lights-out timing just because we had a farewell party for him? Joke with us in bunk? Look out for us when it rained during field camp? Show genuine care and concern for soldiers? I'm quite sure the experience I've gone through was unique and will definitely stay with my memories for quite some time.

They say that POP is but the signal for the beginning of hell and that we really shouldn't be overjoyed about it. The recruit may arguably be the lowest lifeform in the SAF (some say it's the Officer Cadet), but at least they're shielded and protected. I just hope I haven't grown too accustomed to the leniency and privileges around here. As such I'm trying not to have any expectations of what life in a unit is like, though it'll be hard not to compare, afterall wouldn't it naturally seem strange to have double standards within the same organisation? But it is a fact of life, and so many have gone through it, I suppose I just have to continue hoping, praying and trusting.

It's results day tomorrow, I can't say I have no expectations about that, in fact I'm prepared for the worst. If you backdate to the examination period last year you'll find out why, I don't have the desire to recount all the nonsense which I've been through. It's all over and I can't say I did my best because I don't know how goodness is measured anymore, so I can probably say I don't care how I do either. But to everyone else who does, I hope your hopes and dreams get fulfilled and you get to do whatever you want with your life, be it college or work or anything. Even if you don't do well, fret not for it is not the end. Things don't end so easily, all of this - education, national service etc - is artificial and temporary, focus on things that last, as long as you're alive, there's no real end to anything.

Load
Photoshop 7
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This is what it's like to be on a speeding tonner with a drizzle outside.

Dusk
Coloured pencil on paper
(Click to enlarge)

It's the same sky,
the same sea,
the same sun,
the same scene,
the same scent,
the same stink,
It's the same old shit.
Everything, everyday.

Range
Pen, pencil and marker on paper
Digitally recomposited and recoloured
(Click to expand)

This is the A Level coursework prep I never showed, so I finally got pics, they're not the best, but it'll suffice for now.

Trinity
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Going Up
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Man and Machine
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Power
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Mould
(Click to enlarge)

The Way
(Click to enlarge)

Formation
(Click to enlarge)

Finality
(Click to enlarge)

So maybe I lied when I said you won't hear of it again, but I got a pleasant surprise when I checked my email today:

(Click for link)

A part of me feels great for the achievement, yet another part also fears being not able to top it again. Similarly I also worry that it means nothing since it is a choice award and - so as not sound like a hypocrite - the popular vote really doesn't dictate the merits of a piece of art work (ie. aesthetics and engagement, but perhaps it does for skill). Just for the record, I believe that art is a mode visual communication - of ideas; feelings; emotion; inspiration - and thus the impact it has on individuals will depend on individual mindsets, as such art and design competitions serve no real purpose with respect to the artwork or message itself since it is impossible to grade or rank such qualities (unless said works are really outstanding) but rather provide recognition for the artist(s) for his or her raw skill and talent. In that light, I'd much rather make life-changing art than to have a cupboard full of trophies. Having said that, it's definitely an honour to get the CG Choice Award, especially since I'm not one who has achieved a lot in my life, perhaps this is something which would show me that I actually have something to live for.

I was supposed to update on army life two days ago but procrastination and Battlefield 2 got the better of me. But anyways, like I mentioned before, it was fine, then again the real BMT hasn't exactly begun yet, so I'm not getting high hopes for better days.

Warped
Pen and paper
(Click to enlarge)

The first few days were rather easy-going, we were all still adjusting and feeling around, getting to know section and platoon mates, learning how things worked around in camp, had little physical and a whole bunch of lectures and talks. Since there was quite a bit of free time, I started drawing on the third day. The text is blurred out because there are some things that I want to keep private, but besides that, I remembered drawing a lot of parallels to my time in NPCC back in ACS(I) - the regimentation, rank hierarchy, the whole atmosphere - with the main difference being that I would be living like this for the next 3 months, or even 2 years.

Sunset
Pen and paper
(Click to enlarge)

By day 4 training was getting more physically challenging as I got muscle aches all over and also blisters on my palms and fingers. No doubt IPPT was becoming my greatest fear, the OC had said that passing it was a requirement to pass-out of BMT (which I think is a lie because all my friends who are in or have been through BMT say it's not needed) and I remember it got me really depressed on one of the later days as I felt totally useless when faced with another set of zero chin-ups. Regardless, with less free time all I managed was a quick crappy sketch of a sunset - my bunk windows face the sea, which makes for a very beautiful view and cool sea breeze (as well as lots of sand and dust).

The next time I got to write in my sketchbook was day 8, Saturday the 17th of December. By this point we already knew all of our bunkmates' names, and also made a few good friends. I also learnt a really funny and true thing: that the army is "wayang" - pretentious. It's no wonder since all the instructors from specialists (sergeants) to officers (liutenants) are NSFs. Everyone just wants to serve their time and get out, this means there are two kinds of instructors: the first are those who're really hypocrtical and enjoy the power they have, treating recruits like shit simply because they can and then revert to a friendly self during after-training talk-cock sessions. It's very unsettling because you just learn not to joke around with them even if they choose to with you. You don't know what to believe.
The second are those that realise it's pointless to act out everything, so they just be themselves - honest and frank. There's nothing wrong with either, I just think motivation works much better than intimidation, I sure would rather do something for or learn from someone I respect than someone who treats me like dirt.
Thankfully out of the sergeants in my platoon, three are of the latter kind, at least that's the impression I get after these 2 weeks.

Shine
Pen and paper
(Click to enlarge)

Let's see, what else was there. Blisters and pain from route marches. 5BX. Strength training with dumbells and medicine balls. Pegasus sounding like Raven when shouted. More gravy than meat in dishes. Gym training is an excuse for the PTI to expand his ego. Meeting people you grow to hate and people you grow to like. Getting 16 minutes for 2.4. Learning to control breathing while running. Twice-daily pull-up regime. Killer combat PT 2. The Legend and the Champion. Ridiculous swimming lessons...

I guess in all the army isn't as heartless as I imagined it to be - welfare seems to be the buzzword these days, I can see how certain sergeants could actually become envious or jealous of our treatment and decide to give us a hard time. But it's not as if we had a choice in enlisting anyway, at the end of the day, the officers and instructors are just like us, all human, we have families and lives to go back to, studies to attend to after ORD and so do they. I think if both parties could realise and respect such a fact, life would be much easier for everyone.

I don't know where this is going anymore... well I'm booking-in at 8.30 pm tonight, so see you guys on new years' weekend.

I went without sleep for over 24 hours just so that my Drawing and Painting paper would turn out alright, and it did, in my opinion anyway. I liked how the final piece turned out, it seemed like I was painting way too slow but by the midpoint (one and a half hours in) momentum picked up and it began to take shape - even though I was also in danger of dozing off by this stage, finding it almost painful to stay standing. Perhaps the composition might not have been the greatest ever, but I felt it fit in really well with the idea I was trying to convey - that a disorienting scene would lead the viewer to question his or her assumptions as to what is happening, thus deconstruction takes place on two levels, in the subject matter as well as the effect gained from the composition - even though I realise concepts don't exactly take centrestage in this paper and sure don't gain much credit.

Well I suppose it's good enough that I'm satisfied. Also considering that the whole paper was attempted without any tutor guidance, it turned out way better than expected with the final piece and preparatory studies combined. Actually on that issue, I don't understand why people aim for 10 pages of prep, that is absolute overkill, if you have done well for 2 years with just 5 or less, what's the difference this time round? If you know you can reach the A mark, or have the skills to do so, must you feel so insecure as to pour out everything within and prove that you're the best there ever has been? Or to prove that you've done more than anyone else? That you're "better" than everyone else? So is that what this has degraded into, while making "art", you have to constantly watch your back, or your peers rather, and make sure that you're staying ahead of the game; as if someone will pounce upon you at any moment and make you lose everything you have? Do you lose your marks as if someone else can take them away from you? If that is really the way this paper is graded, then I'd rather fail. Make no mistake, I'm not condemning my peers who've put in a lot of effort into their work, it's just that sometimes I really question the purpose and wisdom of such things, the fault lies as much with the student as with the system that breeds it. This paranoia, this kiasuism, competition, I can't stand it, and I won't fall into its senselessness no matter how much the world wants me to.

Here're my five anyway, nothing fancy I admit, may not even get me the grade I want, but right now I don't care for that anymore.





Paper 2 Prep work
(Click to enlarge)

Constructivist Deconstruction
Photoshop 7
(Click to expand)

13 hours and 25 minutes to be exact.

To question the assumptions
When you see a still image of an action, how can you be sure of what is happening if you never saw that presumed action taking place? Certainly there will be visual clues that guide you towards a conclusion; motion blur, basic knowledge of physics, understanding human or mechanised anatomy, or the proven fact that the image is a true photograph. But what if none of these are there and all you gather from it turns out to be logical fallacy? What if that was the purpose of the image, an artwork, the artist, to challenge the convention of things?

To remove the existence of clues that lead to one developing preconceived ideas
Of course to emphasize the questioning of something supposedly understood as obvious, one would have to provide the means of communicating such a message. As you remove one set of clues that lead to preconceptions, you add another set to emphasize an alternative.
It may be a mess, it may turn out whimsical, or it may prove to be an enlightening piece of work. When familiar things are taken out of context, the meaning changes. How could the viewer be certain of what an artist means to say? Perhaps it is then the job of the artist, if a message is his intention, to pass that message on effectively.

To deconstruct
Thus I aim to challenge convention, with an image seemingly representative of constructivity, its process and message would be one of irony. What you witness isn't what you think it is, every thought process went into making you think precisely that way, and when you realise it, it will be true deconstruction in action.

Darts
Painter IX & Photoshop 7
(Click to expand)

Sometimes it's best to just shut up, then less words will come back to haunt you. I don't know, I feel depression setting in again.
But anyways, the picture has nothing to do with what I just said, the idea actually started out rather different, and then... it changed. Yeah.

Oh and check this out: Unpopular Radio.

Bintan
Painter IX with reference
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Good times, heh don't even know when we can or will meet again. Next time, let's go further away.

Out of Bounds
Acrylic on canvas
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For a 3 hour piece I think it wasn't too bad, but of course more practice is needed, I left my paints in school though, they're too darn bulky.

Out of Bounds
Photoshop 7

Quick photo-manip composition for tomorrow's P2 practice, images came from militaryphotos.net. I'm quite happy anyway with what I managed to come up with, there's quite a bit of meaning in there if you want to read into it, the theme is of course "out of bounds". In case you're wondering, no I'm not against the war in Iraq, I mean, what's happened has happened, and there're soldiers out there dying everyday, there's no need to aggravate the situation by spitting on these men and women who have to face an almost invisible enemy. It's more of a general comment on war and the supposed boundaries of warfare, just what are its limits? Who do you kill, when do you kill, how do you kill? Does your enemy respect the same rules of engagement? He's aware, but does he care if you care? Does he then take advantage of your seeming shortcomings? Do you fight the war to your rules or your enemy's? Under all these circumstances, can war even have rules? Will man, in his darkest manifestation, uphold these rules he has created?

Are We There Yet?
Painter IX
(Click to enlarge)

Tonight was great. Exposure is NJ AEP's coursework exhibition which I checked out this evening, and what can I say other than that it's awesome? At first it left me feeling rather defeated - if I could use such a word in this context - as in the midst of viewing all the art works, I realised once again how rigid, boxed-up, conservative, and suffocating NYJC AEP's environment is. I'm not even talking about the system, it's obvious in the students we have; all that apathy, superficiality, and all that "grade-mindedness" when it comes to the AEP, the system only serves to perpetuate and cultivate such mentalities. But anyways as I was saying, I came out of it feeling better than when i started.

It all struck me with the first thing I saw, and that was Yue Han's video piece (yeah the [almost] naked man) - it's all just so... different (both from what we do and what he did for his Os), not to say that the works are technically lacking, but while they're not overwhelming, they're at the same time so bold, so experimental, so awe-inspiring. I was actually discussing with William on the bus ride there about how environment matters so much, and you can see it in action, the creative atmosphere is just there when you see NJ's art block and its art studios, let alone the people. It's not because they make ground-breaking works, or that they're going to get good grades, or become famous, the thing is what they stand for: they stand for truth in visual expression and for freedom in art education.

Ah whatever, maybe for that reason I felt left out for a while, "un-artsy" and unincluded, ashamed of where I was from although it wasn't apparent, and even hateful of the way I can't speak up properly, but I'm glad I stayed on for so long because I later got a great (should I say exclusive?) tour/explanation by Benjamin - who probably doesn't even know my name yet, that's how friendly he is - and got to see their workspace and prep work. The coolest thing I think was that the teachers didn't even care if we (non-NJ people) were in there, and yes food is allowed (airconditioning doesn't seem to be a problem?). All these wouldn't have been that big a deal if I was fresh outta ACS(I), with our lounging around in the art teachers' mess and all, but I guess the rules at Nanyang have gotten to me.

Even stranger and quite surprising was to meet Cao Ye, I think we spoke more tonight than in our 2 years as classmates, he looks so different, so... cool, I guess TP design school does things to you huh. Also really great to have seen David and Kheng Siang, didn't think they'd turn up since it was already so late, we reminisced, exchanged some new experiences in art and had some good laughs, not helped in the least by Jerome's usual lameness (whose painting is great by the way). Just before I left we also met Cedric in army no. 4 uniform and all, what a small world it is, it's fascinating how so many people people previously thought unrelated could be brought and linked together by something so simple, something which I was even thinking of not attending. Well, I have no regrets, other than perhaps failing to ask more people along, especially the J1s, Veli thanks again for the invitation.

P.S. I believe the studio would be open during NJ's open house tomorrow as well, so those interested could probably still go see the works.

Decadent Progression
Photoshop 7 & CS2
GCE "A" Level Art Coursework
(Click to enlarge)

In his endless pursuit of progress, man has built around him a Machine. It is a construction of utmost magnificence, but though man is its operator, subsistence, and champion, he relishes in the success of his own creation and becomes a slave to it, bound in perpetuity to its artificial nature of necessity. This is not some fantasy vision of a future world, it is right here and now, all around us – the Machine is an archetype of the world that chases after money mindlessly. Just what is this economic betterment we all strive for? Bigger homes, brighter children, healthier lives – everything in the definition of a modern society is tied down to the concept of money, so much so that it is ingrained within us all that such a “reality” is the true purpose of life. From the point we are "mouldable", lives are planned, expected and demanded as mere assets and investments towards the greater advancement of humanity. We become blindly driven by those around us and even ourselves to succeed within the framework of this Machine, expending all strength, emotion and commitment to ensure its eventual continuation.