white space, white noise

From The Backseat, Part 1
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Just back from a short New Year family trip up peninsula Malaysia to Penang, can't say I'm not tired after 10+ hours of being baked in a car by tropical heat seeping in through the half-broken air-conditioning so I'm not posting too many photos yet - not that I shot a whole lot, most were from the backseat of the car. Besides I've got to book-in to camp later tonight so time is in shortage and I'm only editing it in chronological order as with the Hong Kong set. Anyways it sure was good to see relatives again after six years or so, and I've realised somehow I click way better with my paternal extended family, in the way that I actually want to talk to some of them? I guess absence does makes the heart grow fonder.

There are some I'd rather not have met or known. "Friends" I'd rather not remember or give two shits about. Those I learn to love to hate, as with certain bits of myself. Like Conscience, and this pretense at trying to be someone better as if it offered some sense of sanctity. Tolerance burdens, I grow self-conscious towards a selfish need to be felt needed and wanted, or a wishing for peer acceptance; as well as being all the more confused pondering the complexities of life, limits of patience and so-called justification for prejudice. They said it's not meant to be a smooth ride, but simply living is killing me. There are some that turn out to be real, but I also ponder if I deserve such. Oh the predicament, whether to carry on, or be skeptical of any strength and faith to be proven from carrying on. But what other way is there.

Missed
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From separate nights, first band is Nuance and the other's Jamie Michael.

It's getting so damn tiring, this constant back and forth motion; graphing an impossibly straight line with sudden peaks and troughs on occasions unknown - in and out, work and slack, bliss and depression, caring and not. This whole empty feeling of being dulled and dumbed down by monotonous repetition wonderfully fulfills predictions of twelve months back. They did seem to pass so quickly, there's nothing much to recall if it hadn't been for these words left behind, but the difficulty's always in the present, it kills just to think of the ten to go and the speed at which we're travelling. The things they put us through are hardly life-threatening but the farce piles up into necessity that doesn't even concern anything beyond the fenceline, well maybe it does, since they already control our lives. It almost sounds like I'm not alone, but it is where I stand, misunderstood and desensitised. These circus acts and endless euphemisms, it's so damn tiring.

Victory
Photoshop CS2
Dawn of Victory concept illustrations
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Painted these over the weekend for the Dawn of Victory mod, pretty fun to do, and I'm quite pleased with how my speed works are beginning to not look like crap.

Anyways to the someone that said Lasalle-SIA's better (and I assume you're one of those that came through the google searches, but if you're someone I know please do reveal your identity) than NAFA, I think so too, now that I've had a good look at both. That's not to say NAFA is worthless - I'm judging based on my preferences afterall - it does have its merits, but it's not really the sort of thing I'm after due to its odd enrollment practices, young target audience, cold campus vibe and syllabus focus on skills (as opposed to thought processes and concepts as is the case at Lasalle). That said, I still haven't made up my mind even though I think Lasalle is ahead on the cool meter by about 10 notches, but it doesn't matter because I can't be applying for either till my entry year.

The AEP J2s this year seem like a fun bunch, hanging out with them brought back so many memories of coursework days, that joy and pain, and forgotten constant longing for closer, more open classmates.
I can't wait to be outta this cesspit, just one last exercise, one more parade, a dozen public holidays, plus 43 weeks and life should be getting better.