white space, white noise

Met this American guy round my age from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints on the way home today, he had a fellow friend with him and they were dressed in shirt and tie like salesmen, and at first glance I did mistake them as such. It was a strangely interesting, even if brief encounter actually. Standing beside me on the crowded train he just started a conversation, I was stunned as most probably would be, but this stranger didn't seem too menacing so I felt obliged to respond. After the introductions talk flowed to Mormonism obviously, but for some reason I identified myself as a Methodist, probably just to not "lose ground" and seem vulnerable, instead of saying (the truth) that I haven't attended church for six years. There was no animosity though, small talk was followed by an exchange of beliefs and ideas, and then farewell at my stop. I'm pretty sure these missionaries were trained to respond differently to different people, they'd probably not push too much into Christians who (by right) should know about the mistruths that the Mormon church preaches, and instead make it seem like it's "just another church albeit the one and only true one" by saying things like "the Book of Mormon only serves to confirm the Bible". In a way I pitied the young man upon observing his devotion to the organisation, but there was nothing more I could've said lest inciting some heated debate which I couldn't have possibly held or won. That led me to deeper thought. What is faith if you couldn't stand up for it? Blind faith is shaky; there must be a foundation present before one can or should say "I believe", and it doesn't end there either because there will always be those around us trying to falter our steps. That got me thinking about education as well - you need to be able to read to receieve, you have to speak to preach, to write to convince, you need them to understand, to discern, to defend, to praise, to love, to worship.

Yet all these words are empty aren't they? I know what some of you think. Why am I still pretending? Who cares if I make such revelations? Or is it someone creeping into me telling me that I'm not doing enough to be Christian? Why do I continually run away? I don't know, I don't have an answer, and something tells me I shouldn't care.

What's been happening for the past two and a half weeks is that I've been learning to get acquainted with the armoured vehicle which I'm tasked to operate. Apart from rather clear discontent with how things are still being run in the armed forces, it's been fine for the most part. In this time I've passed relatively simple tests on vehicle handling, safety regulations, and mechanical maintenance; and completed my cross-country driving phase. Two more weeks of public road driving and it's graduation to my parent unit for full-time operational service.

Well there's nothing much more going on with my life right now, and I've learned to not be overly bothered by that. Being able to stay-out offers some solace and serves as a reminder that I'm still human afterall; time to think and reflect on how we live life and reasons for why things turn out the way they are. Yet slowly but surely it feels like the system is consuming us. Perhaps some don't mind since they don't feel threatened to protect any differing ideals, but it's dangerous because it is brainwashing in effect. You quickly forget that there are things which you don't want to do due to the attached personal ramifications for not doing them, and you're told that that is your duty. I don't think I'll change my opinion of NS anytime soon.

I figured, it actually isn't all that bad even if I don't make it out of this country. Just like how there's no effective political opposition, the real problem lies in that everyone is ignorantly agreeable, apathetic or conformist and those who truly care and discern are part of a minority or are not even in this land. Perhaps this experience will shape me as a person who would find new meaning in life and have more focused ideas in expression and dissemination through art. Perhaps it's better to be facing and challenging the problem rather than running away. Yet perhaps again that has been tried and failed. Whatever it is, in most probability time will tell.

Freedom of speech
Freedom of worship
Freedom from want
Freedom from fear

How much of each do we have?

After receiving a little "lecture" tonight coupled with some "reflections" - as if I couldn't understate more - I returned home late, tired and mostly angry once again with a jumbled bunch of thoughts. Their unorganised placement should not remove or lessen any importance they may carry.

-Isn't discipline instilled through fear merely cowardice? Isn't motivation much better and more easily garnered from true respect?

-One cannot entrust blindly and then turn around to blame the other party for a failure in trust.

-Words which engage your morals for the purpose of triggering false guilt are cheap and vile.

-Benefits should never be handed out in expectation of payment.

-You might as well be a circus animal if you'd willingly submit yourself to absolute control by man.

-We would be advancing for nothing if those tasked to defend progress are the very ones holding it down; the yearning and nostalgia for "the old days" which purportedly trained better soldiers will definitely spell the downfall of our armed forces and national defense on a whole.

-There is obvious discontent and bias with the institutional core value of "care for soldiers" as it is both despised by those from the old camp and also abused by others in the new; even though one cannot over-generalise on the line of division besides the neutral, its existence cannot be denied.

-The clear distinction between NSmen and NSFs should be enough to illustrate a failure in the system. The transformation they go through after ORD must bear certain relation to the experiences they've had during service. So why stick to the old ways and continue producing such reservists? Why too should we be something else when that's where we'd be in a couple of years' time?

-Unjustifiable ineffectualities are to be found in every hierarchial organisation, same goes for power-pushing, bootlicking, and egomaniacal behaviour.

-The invisible arms race we're engaged in will explode one day, and there must be certain doubt in a deterrent force which focuses on offensive doctrines.

-Life was never meant to be a happy trip. Context defines experience, it is what you take away from each day which makes you what you are in the next.

-In the end, it is only God who will judge.

The contention over National Service isn't so much whether it is necessary, but rather is the fact that it subdues basic human choice. It is the epitome of state control; to change a man, put him in his place and tell him what he is. It is essential to the process of nation-building, and in some cases, essential to securing a strong workforce. No doubt certain smaller countries need conscription to aid in their total defence, but the dangers, or rather tradeoffs are far too great to be written off simply by a concept as abstract and unexplained as duty. That's the principle which supposedly guides motivation, but is it reflected by practices on the ground? The danger with most services is how pictures are painted as so imposing, so threatening and so necessary. It eventually consumes he who is within. It destroys the countryman's will thereafter. Because of the opposition within a person that arises from his right to choose being taken away, orders if not carried out often have to be coupled with intimidation. A constant state of alertness means a constant state of fear for the citizen soldier. If not him, who will defend the country? Regulars revel in their authority, powers not to be found if not for laws justified under duty. Yet how could one force another to protect that which he does not find worth protecting? How could one then punish him for not doing that which he was forced to do to begin with?

There is no other way to look at this, I personally pity those who give their lives blindly.

So I was wrong, we get to stay out even though we're on course. There was a choice given - to weigh freedom and inconvenience against ristriction and solidarity. In the end sense found its way to me, that after just six months into service, any time spent outside of the institution is time well spent. There's really no point being so garang (gung-ho) when you didn't even want to be in the position which you are, especially when you learn the true reasons for your drawing of a monthly combat allowance. It's obvious they intimidate and entice us just for the purpose of garnering loyalty, and a false loyalty based on fear that is. No one should be subjected to such a life, all the freedom we get in years past were for nothing, we're thrown into the cage regardless, controlled, ordered, disciplined. Histories erased, personalities lost, dreams burnt. A facade. No, I will not fight and die for this country when she needs me because I was not born into a democratic society built on justice and equality. The very thing which claims to be our protection is the biggest contradiction to what we base our existence upon. The very fact that it has forced me into a path which I do not subscribe to is testament to its nature as a state of pretension. And I can not and will not live with that. But that's for another time, there's no choice but to carry on.

Forging Ahead
Photoshop 7
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Also available in 1024x768 and 1280x960.

So it's back to stay-in-camp life for me, goodbye.

From author Dan Brown's website:

ARE YOU A CHRISTIAN? Yes. Interestingly, if you ask three people what it means to be Christian, you will get three different answers. Some feel being baptized is sufficient. Others feel you must accept the Bible as absolute historical fact. Still others require a belief that all those who do not accept Christ as their personal savior are doomed to hell. Faith is a continuum, and we each fall on that line where we may. By attempting to rigidly classify ethereal concepts like faith, we end up debating semantics to the point where we entirely miss the obvious--that is, that we are all trying to decipher life's big mysteries, and we're each following our own paths of enlightenment. I consider myself a student of many religions. The more I learn, the more questions I have. For me, the spiritual quest will be a life-long work in progress.

Emphasis mine. Maybe we should give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he really just answered it wrong.

But then again...

¹⁶ "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. ¹⁷ For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. ¹⁸ Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son. ¹⁹ This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. ²⁰ Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. ²¹ But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God."

I don't know how a man could claim that he is a Christian and go on to profess heresy to millions. Aren't his books and movie cashing in enough controversy and money for him already? This man is seriously overrated and thoroughly confused, sure The Da Vinci Code gets people talking, but it's also a work of historical mistruths at that - albeit his disclaimer that the book is based on fact, I don't need to read it to know that that's a plain lie. Given how the Catholic Church teaches that parts of the Bible may not actually be true (among other things which I shall not elaborate upon), I don't know how much help all this "stimulation" may be giving to the Christian community. In a country like Singapore I'm willing to believe that more people than less have not come to know Christ or have been exposed in the wrong way; that is, with the abovementioned sensationalised piece of literature, or with pop-culture-powered evangelical church assemblies. Within such an economically-oriented and competitive society (which effects are felt way before adolescence), how could one start a philosophical debate or plea with those who see no purpose in faith and knowing God? Money is afterall all the security you'd ever need, isn't that so? Of course awareness is a step towards salvation, but with so many variations and claims to "the Truth" these days, wouldn't there be danger of someone somewhere trying similarly to capitalise on the Code phenomenon, or even others being misled by it due to incompetent avenues of message propagation? Afterall, wouldn't a non-believer find it easier to find revelance in something that strengthens his already-present mindset, than to try to commit himself to another belief?
To me the phenomenon spells more trouble than opportunity, and no one should be thanking Dan Brown for his works' apparent commercial success.

Coincidence would have it that today is the 6th of June, 2006, that is 06/06/06. Maybe not so coincidentally though, because this day would have come just like yesterday and the day before it, and the day last year and tomorrow so on and so forth. 666 is the mark of the beast, man's number, as depicted in the book of Revelation, and to my understanding, that's all there is to the number. I do not wish to trivialise the prophecy's significance though, just saying that there is no attached inherent evil in the number's random occurance.

So maybe my conclusive point here is that people (and that means people) should stop believing in superstition and fictional truths and be more discerning with our God-given gift of free will, because at the end of the day, eternity is at stake.

Made some very tight crops on the thumbnails, so click to see the full thing.

Split
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Perched
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Search
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Abridged
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Globular
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Return
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The Cat Empire
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The Cat Empire is awesome. I simply can't think of another word to describe this band, they play a really really cool mix of jazz, funk, reggae, world music plus a great touch of personality. Well words don't do them justice, you'll have to listen for yourself.

Gotta say I had a rather fulfilling day, even though it consisted mainly of walking around the quay area aimlessly simply snapping photos and taking in the serene atmosphere; just some time out to observe, reflect and plan. Dropped by the Arts House while on my walk with no destination in mind and finally purchased Camra's Normally Open, which I've wanted for the longest time, and Serenaide's The Other End of The Receiver. Still with nothing to do, I headed down to Funan hoping to get Half Life 2: Episode One but no one seemed to have it in stock, I felt totally defeated until I chanced upon a final remaining copy of Mae's The Everglow in a Christian bookstore, needless to say, it's now mine. With hours to spare I hung around Boat Quay, making a pen sketch to kill time.

Fullerton
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Preshow
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Then I headed back to the Esplanade - from where I had begun actually - and while waiting for The Cat Empire to start playing I made another (crappy) quick sketch. So in all, considering I've got three new records, took a bunch of photos, made a couple of drawings, and listened to one great live band - maybe my lobo life at Air Force School has been too boring of late - it feels like I didn't waste another weekend away; and damn right that feels good.