white space, white noise

Bunk
Coloured pencil and marker on paper
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So it's been 12 weeks, only one more to go to POP (Passing Out Parade). Sure there were tough times, there were times I just totally felt like giving up, and even times that I cried, but there were also enjoyable moments and all that time surely did fly. I could probably say at this point that the Army, or at least BMT, isn't what I expected. I was expecting worse, expecting to get screwed upside down on a daily basis, I didn't even know that the bulk of our commanders were NSFs like us, barely a couple years older. I have a lot to be thankful for, Raven Company is probably one of the best in BMTC in terms of welfare, yet it's not lacking in discipline either, at least that's what I feel. The platoon's great too, commanders and recruits alike, I mean, which Platoon Commander would order pizza for recruits? Or extend lights-out timing just because we had a farewell party for him? Joke with us in bunk? Look out for us when it rained during field camp? Show genuine care and concern for soldiers? I'm quite sure the experience I've gone through was unique and will definitely stay with my memories for quite some time.

They say that POP is but the signal for the beginning of hell and that we really shouldn't be overjoyed about it. The recruit may arguably be the lowest lifeform in the SAF (some say it's the Officer Cadet), but at least they're shielded and protected. I just hope I haven't grown too accustomed to the leniency and privileges around here. As such I'm trying not to have any expectations of what life in a unit is like, though it'll be hard not to compare, afterall wouldn't it naturally seem strange to have double standards within the same organisation? But it is a fact of life, and so many have gone through it, I suppose I just have to continue hoping, praying and trusting.

It's results day tomorrow, I can't say I have no expectations about that, in fact I'm prepared for the worst. If you backdate to the examination period last year you'll find out why, I don't have the desire to recount all the nonsense which I've been through. It's all over and I can't say I did my best because I don't know how goodness is measured anymore, so I can probably say I don't care how I do either. But to everyone else who does, I hope your hopes and dreams get fulfilled and you get to do whatever you want with your life, be it college or work or anything. Even if you don't do well, fret not for it is not the end. Things don't end so easily, all of this - education, national service etc - is artificial and temporary, focus on things that last, as long as you're alive, there's no real end to anything.

I don't know what the point of this weblog is anymore. To tell people that I'm alive? To rant? To boast? To exhibit? What does it mean, for me, to blog? I just don't know. When I eventually regain some capacity for thought, I'll write more, but until then, here's to letting everyone know that I indeed am still alive - afterall the Army isn't that cruel or tough, but what they say is true, there's a tendency that you'll get dumb.

Load
Photoshop 7
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This is what it's like to be on a speeding tonner with a drizzle outside.

Dusk
Coloured pencil on paper
(Click to enlarge)

It's the same sky,
the same sea,
the same sun,
the same scene,
the same scent,
the same stink,
It's the same old shit.
Everything, everyday.