« November 2005 | Main | January 2006 »
Second book-out, another long weekend. What a time to fall sick, new year's eve. All is well with life in the army, got our rifles last week, went through technical handling lessons, did more physical training, same shit different day. Guess I shouldn't bore anyone with the details, so here's just me wishing everyone a Happy New Year.
I was supposed to update on army life two days ago but procrastination and Battlefield 2 got the better of me. But anyways, like I mentioned before, it was fine, then again the real BMT hasn't exactly begun yet, so I'm not getting high hopes for better days.
Warped
Pen and paper
(Click to enlarge)
The first few days were rather easy-going, we were all still adjusting and feeling around, getting to know section and platoon mates, learning how things worked around in camp, had little physical and a whole bunch of lectures and talks. Since there was quite a bit of free time, I started drawing on the third day. The text is blurred out because there are some things that I want to keep private, but besides that, I remembered drawing a lot of parallels to my time in NPCC back in ACS(I) - the regimentation, rank hierarchy, the whole atmosphere - with the main difference being that I would be living like this for the next 3 months, or even 2 years.
Sunset
Pen and paper
(Click to enlarge)
By day 4 training was getting more physically challenging as I got muscle aches all over and also blisters on my palms and fingers. No doubt IPPT was becoming my greatest fear, the OC had said that passing it was a requirement to pass-out of BMT (which I think is a lie because all my friends who are in or have been through BMT say it's not needed) and I remember it got me really depressed on one of the later days as I felt totally useless when faced with another set of zero chin-ups. Regardless, with less free time all I managed was a quick crappy sketch of a sunset - my bunk windows face the sea, which makes for a very beautiful view and cool sea breeze (as well as lots of sand and dust).
The next time I got to write in my sketchbook was day 8, Saturday the 17th of December. By this point we already knew all of our bunkmates' names, and also made a few good friends. I also learnt a really funny and true thing: that the army is "wayang" - pretentious. It's no wonder since all the instructors from specialists (sergeants) to officers (liutenants) are NSFs. Everyone just wants to serve their time and get out, this means there are two kinds of instructors: the first are those who're really hypocrtical and enjoy the power they have, treating recruits like shit simply because they can and then revert to a friendly self during after-training talk-cock sessions. It's very unsettling because you just learn not to joke around with them even if they choose to with you. You don't know what to believe.
The second are those that realise it's pointless to act out everything, so they just be themselves - honest and frank. There's nothing wrong with either, I just think motivation works much better than intimidation, I sure would rather do something for or learn from someone I respect than someone who treats me like dirt.
Thankfully out of the sergeants in my platoon, three are of the latter kind, at least that's the impression I get after these 2 weeks.
Shine
Pen and paper
(Click to enlarge)
Let's see, what else was there. Blisters and pain from route marches. 5BX. Strength training with dumbells and medicine balls. Pegasus sounding like Raven when shouted. More gravy than meat in dishes. Gym training is an excuse for the PTI to expand his ego. Meeting people you grow to hate and people you grow to like. Getting 16 minutes for 2.4. Learning to control breathing while running. Twice-daily pull-up regime. Killer combat PT 2. The Legend and the Champion. Ridiculous swimming lessons...
I guess in all the army isn't as heartless as I imagined it to be - welfare seems to be the buzzword these days, I can see how certain sergeants could actually become envious or jealous of our treatment and decide to give us a hard time. But it's not as if we had a choice in enlisting anyway, at the end of the day, the officers and instructors are just like us, all human, we have families and lives to go back to, studies to attend to after ORD and so do they. I think if both parties could realise and respect such a fact, life would be much easier for everyone.
I don't know where this is going anymore... well I'm booking-in at 8.30 pm tonight, so see you guys on new years' weekend.
Because Christmas is about Christ. Going back to church for the first time in 5 years, I thought it'd be the best opportunity to receieve Christ once again. Actually coming to think of it it's the first real time I've ever done it, I didn't dare raise my hand before, or even walk down that aisle. It's also interesting on retrospect that I said early on this year that I'd like to go back to attending church this year because I'd need it for NS, who would've thought it'd be on Christmas day? There's no time to waste, nothing to lose, but I cried. There were tears in my eyes for some reason when the pastor was asking for backslided Christians to return to God, and I just cried when saying the prayer. It was as if I had so much to let out, and I don't even know exactly what it was. Well, anyways I don't intend to be just a Sunday-only Christian, this shall truly mark a new phase in my life. Whether or not I go to the same church, service or cell doesn't matter, it's between me and Him now.
Simply brilliant.
So I'm back after two weeks, all I can say now is that it was mostly okay, a bit of fun, some angering incidents, some scary encounters, whatever, I'm really tired right now so I'll update more tomorrow, maybe with drawings from the sketchbook.
Tomorrow, a new chapter of my life begins. As cliche as that sounds, it's actually very true; the loss of freedom, a new commitment, a responsibility thrown upon my shoulders - one that I don't even want to carry. Perhaps I worry too much, but I have to admit that I'm scared. I really don't know what to expect, I'm afraid to screw up, yet somehow I feel like I know it'll happen. Seems like ever since secondary school I've never been too happy with each new environment I was put into, be it classes, people, teachers, CCAs, or simply life as a whole; I kept feeling like I've been shortchanged and was always viewing others with envy, discontent or even hatred. I just don't know how to think anymore, it's just one bad thing after another. Yet on retrospect, it seems like I only grew to treasure things and realise that they "weren't that bad afterall" only after it's past. NS is sure to change my life, I just hope and pray that it'll be for the better and I'll learn to take things in stride and not be so angry about everything.
Well anyhow, I wish everyone all the best in whatever you do, God bless and take care and whatever. Any messages, leave them at the shoutbox. You could comment too but they won't be published as I won't be around for some time to do that, that means they can act as private messages too.
Alternatively, my email addresses can be found in the about section.
If it's something really urgent or important like, "I can get you out of NS right now!" Please text me via sms or just call me. I won't put my phone number here for obvious reasons (I've only just shaken off that anonymous crazy texter a couple of days ago), if you need it, ask my friends. (Actually, if you could really do that, just bloody do it)
I can't take night shots for nuts. Pretension aside, I'm really an amateur when it comes to photography.
Black
(Click to enlarge)
Bliss
(Click to enlarge)
Elipses
(Click to enlarge)
Toast
(Click to enlarge)
Trials
(Click to enlarge)
Peer
(Click to enlarge)
Plans
(Click to enlarge)
I suppose prom went well enough, it was an entertaining night with a good speaker/host dude, decent food and great company. What else do you want me to say?
Oh yeah, I've certainly made some realisations on this night.
Firstly, some girls shouldn't ever wear makeup because they don't know how to. Makeup is like paint with low opacity, the more you slap on, the thicker it gets; layers make it opaque. The more opaque the cover is, the less natural luminescence shows, which means you end up looking dead.
Secondly, looking good is one thing, but looking like a whore is another, yeah of course you can't deny that some of the girls looked pretty hot but sorry, wrong occasion.
Thirdly, clubbing, I can say for certain now, is the most pointless waste of time ever invented by man. I don't think the first two need much elaboration, but the third, I've been puzzled for the longest time as to why people do it. I'd go for band gigs and concerts any day over this "party" shit, clearly people are not there for the music because it usually sucks ass (hip hop anyone?), they're either there for the drink, or to "dance" - which apparently equals repeating a set of brainless movements 2 million times over to lousy beats just for the sake of doing so. Where does even it begin to get fun? I can understand dance as an art form or medium for personal expression (and it's amazing, those that can do it right) but that doesn't come across during a lame jumping romp with arms flailing everywhere. If having the whole world within sight do the same as you just so you feel like you belong is your idea of fun, that's fine and dandy. So what is it? A celebration of life? Well from the kinds of songs I heard, I'm not too certain. In all frankness it is all just an innocent extension of the sex industry, or if you like something more subtle (depending on which is less insulting to you), the clearest public display of human decadence. If you'd like to challenge me to that I'm open to all views, but now that I've seen and experienced it for myself, it'll be hard to convince me otherwise.
Maybe it's only a figure of speech,
that has me casting an eye on anything and everything that is promising
Maybe my crime is as easy as this:
to walk away from a lie, to walk away from what is groaning within tonightMaybe I've spent myself craving what proves to be a fallacy
I go hungry when I thought my plate to be full
and overflowing
and overflowingIf I've spoken the right words; fathomed mysteries, yet lack love
I am but nothingI've faith for moving hills, everything and still I lack love
I am but nothingI've choked back these tears again and again
Mustered some strength from that which astonishes
Then kiss shoulders for confidence grows there
I've taken much more to sobbing much quieter
Days turn to weeks
The irony thickens
How can one so strong be so broken within
It's grasping at clouds
It's chasing the wind
For nothing is found
Nothing is found out of loveLay your life down here
For love worth embracing is found when one's laying down
For love worth embracing is found when one's laying down all we hold dear
Whence He Came - This Is Nothing
I think this song is great. There're no lyrics to be found online, so I just came up with a combination of what I can hear and what was from Still Amidst The Traffic's CD sleeve, which by the way didn't feature paragraphing in the lyrics, but it's very interesting because it has Chinese (Cantonese) versions of the words which do have proper formatting, and it's a great way to maybe get a better understanding of certain more cryptic phrases (because they actually tend to make more sense, save for the fact that they're in Traditional Chinese).
Went to check out the Lime Sonic Bang thing at the Youth Park this evening, and it was quite a blast. I have to say first that Wicked Aura was probably the most wicked act of the night, way to leave the best for the last! I've always liked instrumental music (jazz, latin, latin jazz, whatever), but having an entire ensemble of samba drums beat away just 10 meters from you is quite an experience, I don't know how anyone could remain standing and not move or even tap their feet - it's that awesome. Well anyways, The Observatory was good as expected, but I think the venue just wasn't right. Bad audience with little appreciation (fanboys and fangirls for the Project Superstar finalists and whatnot clogging up stagefront), they kept screaming and jeering when parts of My Whole Life went silent and seemed to be ending, but even after two "misses", they kept doing it, forget about cheering for good instrumental sections (they were good by the way) because it sure didn't sound they were doing that, to me it was just plain rude because it seemed like they were chasing the musicians off the stage. Yeah enough complaining, Electrico was great, they did a super cover of Franz Ferdinand's Take Me Out as last song... Damn I need a larger variety of superlatives. Let's see, what else was there, oh yeah Ronin. Well, it's trash. 'Nuff said. Yeap nothing else worth mentioning really, good singing from the rest - Singapore Idol and Project Superstar finalists - but it's just not my kinda thing.
I can't even remember why I agreed to go for the school prom, was it simply me succumbing to herd tendencies? Trying to be normal? Flowing with the wave? Today I went to town with some friends to get clothes for this event, and I realised how stupid it is. It's a hassle not least because it is something based wholly on the premise of trying to "look good"; to "have a good time" while "dressed formally"; or "eat good food" while "looking good" - none of which make any bloody sense. It is in essence quite really the epitome of human pomposity and superficiality. So am I still going? I don't know, right now I don't care for anything in this world anymore.