white space, white noise

Interesting, after today's GP tutorial I realised that there's a word, or rather phrase which could describe what I want: the simple life - though it reads as dumbed down and frivolous after a certain stupid television show was named after that. So what did I learn from the class?

-That it's not just about throwing out material possessions, it's a state of mind; an attitude towards living that doesn't make it any "harder" than a "normal" one (save for the discipline needed).

-Neither is it about hate, frugality, spartan lives, losing out or enduring hardship and social rejection because those are things imposed by an outsider.

-I could agree with some of the arguments brought up against it as it's not possible to take it to the extreme, since there will always be a certain degree of practical need that has to be met.

-It is true however that a person who's ready to give it all up is probably stronger in will than those who cannot, and having already done so, it is more than likely that he will find few qualms with the "hardship" that follows since those are merely representations of what he's against.

-I think at the root it's just about being different, preserving what it means to be an individual, and living life true to your ideals and beliefs - the intrinsic meaning of life.

-The argument made that you have to be at a certain level in the social strata before you can make such a decision is bullocks though. What it highlights is simply the misconception that wealth and education are positively related, which is definitely not always the case. A "poor" person who has the knowledge and desire could opt out of and challenge the system too, because it is the mentality that matters, isn't it? You're working towards the same goal so what's the difference? If you're filthy rich but bloody thrifty (and saving for retirement at 40, planning for your children and all that nonsense), it doesn't qualify as leading a "simple life", because you have something to fall back on which make it seem more like you're just taking an everlasting vacation.

-They make it sound as if it is out of the norm, whereas I think it is what should be the norm, yet we all know that given the state of societal and economic progress we're at today, that is simply impossible to ask of.

-I don't really care to be frank, all these terms people come up to categorise everything, putting order and control to every aspect of life. What of the "Youth Triangle", a term which isn't even recognised by the youths who frequent the area, or some other obscure scientific name for an insignificant phenomenon created by bored people that nobody will ever seriously care about. Doing a google search I actually found some courses that teach people how to live simple. What? Seriously, just follow your instincts, what's the point if it's not you making the move? Being calculative of every little thing you spend on is just as bad as spending everything you have on things you don't need, what's the point if you're still going to be stressed out from counting your coins?

It's the same shit different day. I failed my GP horribly (40, if you want to know), hence the entry yesterday. Apparently a friend got worried about what I wrote, but no I haven't gone crazy (hah), it was just a fun experiment at typing something in a different tone and perspective, albeit a rather exaggerated one at that. About the paper itself, I think I got a totally unjustified grade for my essay (19/50), I actually failed my language component for the first time (9/20), but when I read the marker's comments and found multiple glaring grammatical errors from him/her, I just had to ask for some justice.

NYJC once again has new rules, this time intruding into the basic human need of food. No gravy, no skin, must have vegetables, no coconut milk in curry, no fried stuff, et cetera... What can I say? I'm simply glad that we graduate next weekend.

Art practical was cancelled today to reward us all for the undisputable hard work put into completing coursework, instead we helped to clean up the studios, and doing various menial tasks like moving projectors up 3 storeys, scrubbing tables, painting walls, it was all done before 1pm, and then I came home. Interestingly, I realised I had nothing to do, so I slept.

Data shows a downward trend in the grades Student 336454 has been getting over his two years in his junior college, most apparent is from the Subject General Paper, where he once was among the top, is now at the bottom. It is difficult to determine the exact cause of such a phenomenon, but from other data examined, it could be due either to his deteriorating attitude towards the Subject and assignments handed out, bad marking of work handed in, or even a problem within the Subject itself in the way it is administered and delivered. In other fields of his education career, the grades of Subjects Economics and History also show a similar trend. Evidence lists similar possible causes, but from the fact that other students (most notably 019928 and 288810) have been doing well or improving, it can therefore be concluded that the most probable reason for his weakness in these subjects is due to his poor attitude. For this reason also, reports originating from the same file as those striked out will not be considered as evidence in future. It is interesting however to note that that he has been maintaining and even improved his grades in the Subject Art, a memo also points out that his bad attitude towards other subjects could acutally be rooted in his excellence in this Subject. The data received does not offer any specific reason to these disparing phenomena between the Subjects and the presiding Examination Team (A727) is left puzzled and worried.
This report (336454-A727-002) will be followed by a dossier from the Advanced Team which would present solutions to this problem, if all else fails and the situation is not remedied, extreme measures have been authorised by the Committee and should be carried out with no prejudice (refer to Code 39735).

In his endless pursuit of progress, man has built around him a machine, it is a magnificent construction, but even though man is its operator, subsistence, and champion, he relishes in the success of his own creation and becomes a slave to it, bound in perpetuity to its newfound nature of necessity. This is not some fantasy vision of a future world, it is right here and now, all around us. The machine is an archetype of the world chasing after money mindlessly, just what is this economic betterment we all strive for? Bigger homes; brighter children; healthier lives – everything in the definition of modern society is tied down to the concept of money, so much so that it is ingrained within us all that such a “reality” is the true purpose of life. From the point we are "mouldable"; from birth, lives are planned, expected and demanded as mere assets and investments towards the greater advancement of humanity. We become blindly driven by those around us and eventually even ourselves to succeed within the framework of this machine, expending all strength, emotion and commitment to ensure its eventual continuation.

6am, didn't sleep, prep done, off to school!

Coursework, Progress Shots
Photoshop 7
(Right frame on top, left below. Click to expand)

Scatter Conformation
Photoshop 7
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I'm posting this on Monday the 26th so that yesterday doesn't look so empty heh. I think this is where one of the greatest advantages of working digitally really shines through, no person could've or should've painted that much detail (all those men plus other stuff) within an hour in traditional media. That's not to say I'm great or whatever, but just stating a fact that it's much easier to create crisp regular forms, fantastic lighting effects, and repeating motifs in digital media.

Let's see, there're technically 4 more days before the REAL deadline for submission of Art paper 1 (ie coursework). The panels themselves are due on Monday though, because they still need to be printed and framed so I hope there'll be no hickups in those areas. I have a little more detail to render mainly on the second panel, and am contemplating whether to overlay both with textures and up contrasts a little, but that can be overlooked. Today (ok whatever, yesterday - I gotta stop posting past midnight) I completed another painting that's essentially the backdrop to the last prep board, and also rounded up another prep board (no. 3 I believe). Right now apart from a bunch of WIP shots to be printed and also a few detail illustrations, I have one final piece of A3-sized undone prep work waiting for me to create and after that we can wrap things up for good. It's actually quite an essential piece to the project in that it'll link the original idea of the decadent nature of money and how it makes the world go round to a more surreal scene of self-imposed slavery to the machine (basically the same thing but what the hell).

What's the point of this entry? Well if anything, to provide a record of what I thought about on this day, but also to write things down so I can have a clearer picture of what I have to do because the end is so close, I really don't want to miss out on anything.
Heh I can still remember how I thought earlier this year that I wouldn't be able to create a decent coursework piece or that I'd be the worst student of the batch, guess I was wrong.

See, I've always told people that it's just common sense why Firefox had "less vulnerabilities". It's the free damn market, if there's demand, there'll be supply - once FF gets big, it's just a matter of time that the hackers will do something with it because it's in them. At the end of the day, a browser is a browser, you think you're automatically a better person simply because you hate a giant corporation and refuse to use its products, yet you're just as guilty for getting swept up by another wave by a different corporation you just don't happen to hate. And yes this applies to the whole deal with Appleism, which is a farce; fad; facade, get over it.

I can't believe I'm reading this nonsense, well of course, since the letter's meant for my parents, but I think you guys who've gotten it and the invitation from the Air Force know what I'm talking about.

"After all, your child's performance will determine their prospects, and as parents, it's only natural that we want our children to have the brightest future possible."

"Which brings me to the reason why I'm writing to you today: I believe the RSAF can offer the future that you want for your child."

"If your son chooses the SAF Scholarship with the RSAF, you can be assured your child's future is in good hands, and that a career path as an officer will be carefully mapped out for them."

Does the Major get letters like this too? Does he know what's best for his children? Why can't people realise that they're only so result-oriented simply because they allow themselves to be, all they're doing by conforming is perpetuating a cycle which will eventually destroy this society. The themes discussed in my coursework aren't that far-fetched afterall, it's all in full view here: the paperchase; money-mindedness; planned, structured, identical lives; loss of identity. What is the worth of a defence institution when such ideas have penetrated it for the purpose of recruitment? Are they that desperate so as to capitalise on vulnerable social mindsets? Yesterday when speaking to a friend I actually had second thoughts about leaving this country, I don't think I do anymore.

It's bloody scary in all frankness. You know, the Internet and the whole thing about blogs has actually allowed people to express themselves on a whole new level, from good to bad, everyday to extraordinary, personal to political, it tends to bring out the real person under the skin due to the (misconception of the) anonymous nature of the medium. I think the government is taking this the wrong way, now not only will lots of people be even more unhappy with its policies, but those harbouring similar hateful sentiments will be driven even deeper underground. So are those who have been willing to voice their opinions - whether simply to vent or to propagate hate - automatically worse off than those who keep everything locked in, perhaps even in search of an opportunity to bring that hate to another level? I don't want to get into the whole lack-of-democracy political debate, what I actually fear most (see link above) is the vagueness of this act, I have no problem with racists and haters being charged since I agree wholly that it's just wrong, same with anarchism and terrorism and the other evils of man but really, what is "sedition"?

Seditious tendency.
3. —(1) A seditious tendency is a tendency —
(a) to bring into hatred or contempt or to excite disaffection against the Government;

(b) to excite the citizens of Singapore or the residents in Singapore to attempt to procure in Singapore, the alteration, otherwise than by lawful means, of any matter as by law established;

(c) to bring into hatred or contempt or to excite disaffection against the administration of justice in Singapore;

(d) to raise discontent or disaffection amongst the citizens of Singapore or the residents in Singapore;

(e) to promote feelings of ill-will and hostility between different races or classes of the population of Singapore.

(2) Notwithstanding subsection (1), any act, speech, words, publication or other thing shall not be deemed to be seditious by reason only that it has a tendency —

(a) to show that the Government has been misled or mistaken in any of its measures;

(b) to point out errors or defects in the Government or the Constitution as by law established or in legislation or in the administration of justice with a view to the remedying of such errors or defects;

(c) to persuade the citizens of Singapore or the residents in Singapore to attempt to procure by lawful means the alteration of any matter in Singapore; or

(d) to point out, with a view to their removal, any matters producing or having a tendency to produce feelings of ill-will and enmity between different races or classes of the population of Singapore,

if such act, speech, words, publication or other thing has not otherwise in fact a seditious tendency.

(3) For the purpose of proving the commission of any offence under this Act, the intention of the person charged at the time he did or attempted to do or made any preparation to do or conspired with any person to do any act or uttered any seditious words or printed, published, sold, offered for sale, distributed, reproduced or imported any publication or did any other thing shall be deemed to be irrelevant if in fact such act had, or would, if done, have had, or such words, publication or thing had a seditious tendency.

Extract from Source

So where is the line between section 1 and 2 drawn? Is "excite" an antonym of "persuade"? I mean, given the complexities and certain inadequencies in language, interpretations of "hate" or simply "pointing something out" in a grey article (that is, not belonging to the extremes) could change completely with every reader, couldn't it? Also, as I've pointed out a couple of days back is the matter of popularity. If something of equal magnitude of hate (if there's even a way to measure it) doesn't catch the attention of anyone, would it simply be left alone?

I guess it's time for me to write a disclaimer heh. Well, regardless I shall put my faith in God, that He'll give me the wisdom and guidance to not say anything stupid or wrong - and mind you, not what will be wrong to this country's laws, but what's wrong in His eyes, because the Word is afterall, above all.

Spent the whole day doing art on school, essentially completed one prep board - which is actually one painting - today (or rather, yesterday, Wednesday), but there's still a ton of stuff more to finish within a week and P2 sort of burned me out already, having said that, I really hope that A grade they've put up is final, 'cause I don't care if I get double Fs anymore. We still gotta clean the art room tomorrow even when I haven't done work in the ceramics studio for a year, bah whatever, hope it doesn't tire me out even further, I have to finish my 2 panels by Friday for printing, and I'm quite certain it is not nice or healthy to sit in front of a computer for 12 hours a day only moving your right wrist and arm.

If you have something that should be addressed directly at me, I ask only that you please do so and not leave me second guessing at ambigious passages.

With that said, I realised I've forgotten to mention the SEA History paper in the last entry. It was downright crappy in every sense of the word, the sources were probably plugged off the net or something. And my essays? Let's not even go there. TCP wasn't even in school.

What a pointless entry.

Since we all had nothing to do this afternoon after lunch, Isaac and I went to Marv's home for a while as we had a couple of hours to waste before the 3pm show at J8, damn was it boring (at first), watched zac play DotA, then messed around with iTunes, browsed through Marvin's and my songs, and exchanged quite a few. Anyways Cinderella Man is a good movie, well I'm sure it's definitely better than One More Chance (3 Good Guys??) or The Longest Yard, which were our other choices. In any case it's probably my first movie at a cinema in about half a year. Gotta find out how they shot the film, must've been hell for those playing the boxers, Russell Crowe included, I have no idea how anyone could "fake" those punches, it was brutal.

And finally, my download of Equilibrium is complete! Was kinda intrigued by it when I saw it on some Arts Central programme last week, it's quite an old film actually, 2002, apparently it didn't make mass release, but I don't know why. It looked like it had really cool sets and action, and Christian Bale (Batman) stars in it, shall see how good it really is.

It's interesting really, and scary, read this.

"It has never been a right to defame people, and never a right to make racial remarks. People will be upset."

I agree that racism and libel is plain bad, but isn't this quite a lopsided argument? You only act when people find a problem (and you won't know or care if the person who reported it had an ulterior motive to have done so?), so what happens when people don't know or care? Aren't say terrorists always hiding in secrecy? Isn't there a higher chance of having more people find more offence in something that is more popular? What I want to know most though, is what kind of rehabilitation these offenders will get, do you simply fine them and let them get along with their lives with those feelings all bottled up waiting to explode, or really work to understand and educate them?

Drawing & painting went pretty fine I think, managed to replicate the colour scheme rather well and completed the painting - albeit some areas were left quite underworked - in time, I think I would've done much better if I wasn't so darn tired. To make things worse I was painting standing up, bending actually, the whole way through, (you just have to when there're no easels) so my back sorta got destroyed by the end. After the paper I just slept all the way till it was time for econs, maybe I shouldn't have, 'cause I almost slept through the paper itself, I couldn't count with all my fingers the number of times I dozed off, and whenever I did I'd see words that aren't in the questions; options that came out of thin air; and remembering that some of them were quite amusing. I was bloody hallucinating! Or dreaming, or something...

Well I think you can count the number of marks I'll get for that paper with the fingers of one hand. Same goes for paper2, probably on the same hand even, heh. Ah well last paper's tomorrow, SEA History - which I haven't studied for at all, but luckily TCP is much more receptive to smoking heheh. Sometimes I don't get "teachers", they think they know everything, and have to leave antagonistic sarcastic remarks for scripts they don't like, well this time round I left a little message for whoever's marking my case study too.

Composition 0110
Photoshop 7

That's it, final composition, finally.

There was quite a bit of commotion downstairs earlier in the evening, apparently there were celebrations for the mid autumn festival going on, or whatever it is, the one that you eat mooncakes and run around with lanterns. It looked rather brilliant from the 10th floor actually, kids with lanterns, and there were also candles, or something all lit up, it was just dazzling bright. I then somehow realised even more just how sad our lives are; how sad my life is. I don't know anyone in my neighbourhood, I'm not kidding, not a single person. Well it's not that I'm unhappy, I'm not a very sociable person anyway - perhaps that's even attributed to how I've never had friends living close to me - it's just that even now, it's so hard to do things with friends because they all live within a general vicinity that's miles away from my home.

If the above is your phone number, or if you happen to know the owner of this number (in which case please help me pass the message on): stop bloody sending me greeting messages every damn morning and night.

Concept 0740
Photoshop 7

Time flies. People wake up and go about their business, there's no rest. But for now, I need some rest.

Concept 0650
Photoshop 7

The sun rose from under a storm this morning. The rain's still falling, and as day breaks, the background noise gets louder, it's Sunday but the world's getting ready to work.

Concept 0530
Photoshop 7

I hear the first buses coming in at the stop, it's quite surreal really, skipping sleep. The funny thing is that this probably won't even end up as prep to be handed in. Well, it's just the first.

I don't know what you use Friendster for, but I use it to keep in contact with friends - albeit on a rather superficial level with most, like "hey look here ****** is my 'friend' even though we haven't spoken for two years! But he's a cool dude therefore I'm cool!" I know there're those who just add "friends" for no reason other than to have a big number under the list, or send "testimonials" as messages as if their MSNM wasn't enough, it's just such a shame, Friendster's actually a really good framework for keeping in touch if you want to use it properly. Well whatever, out of angst or something, I've modified my profile rather extensively in the past few days; removed, or rather toned down, the whole self-deprecating section since it was coming off more like a sympathy generator thing. Changed my pictures too, somehow I can't stand raw photographs (especially of myself) - but they recompress images to look like shit so it doesn't matter much - and also changed all the captions, no more "omg look it's me with some weirdass expression!" Nonchalance is the order of the day, third-person zen-like philosophical-confucius mind-blowing speak is in, well for me anyhow.

Why am I even talking about this? It's noon on Saturday and I feel like the weekend's already gone. Economics yesterday was a crapfest, Mr L actually said "manage your time" when he walked past me before the paper started, well thank you sir for the vote of confidence, I did, but time management is relatively easy when you've too little to write, the hard part is obviously figuring out what the hell to use to fill up the paper. I didn't end up writing big chunks of anti-economics nonsense only to be -merely- cancelled out such that they can still be read if the reader so chooses to, I simply included a cryptic sarcastic message from Radiohead's Ok Computer at the end... fitter happier and more productive workforce, hah!

Exams end on Tuesday, I'm actually worried about this coming week, I'd try to use Econs papers 1 and 2 to pull up the grade but there's Art paper 2 on the same day. Bloody hell it doesn't take a genius to guess what I'd rather focus on. It's always the consequences we're afraid of isn't it. Saying I didn't have time to study is lame really, so if I ever get questioned about my grades I'm just going to keep my mouth shut and stare into space. Always works (just need nerves of steel for you could get screamed at in the face), but I don't know why people get so frustrated with that, as if I'm obliged to give answers which they already know themselves, and when you give a reason it's always degraded to being an excuse, so why bother trying?

Can't wait for school to be over, then there'll be no one breathing down my neck or trying to make me feel guilty for not doing things I wasn't even born to do. At least in the Army the rules are there to maintain a kind of discipline so as to keep you alive, but round here? Unnecessary.

I've been thinking about something, what really is the purpose and purpose of "secular" life in this modern age? How does a Christian fit into it all? It seems like things are getting to a stage where it'll soon be impossible to "fit in". I'm terribly confused and doubtful when it comes to such things, to be frank sometimes I get sick seeing "happy Christians", are they happy spiritually (which, unfortunately, I think I haven't myself felt yet) or simply in the goodness of the material world? I don't know, what does (the Word of) God have to say about the modern era? Technology? Economics? Pop culture? Finance? Wars? Education? Conformation? Rebellion? Nationalism? What is life and does doing the things everyone else does make you a bad Christian?
There're two things I'm really willing to live for (ie I won't kill myself over), art and God (you figure out what's more important, I placed them in alphabetical order). Most people would not know me as a Christian - and for good reason, I haven't gone to church for about 5 years and a lot of what I've learnt may have gotten lost somewhere along the way. But still...I think my education at ACS as well as home environment has played a great part in ensuring I haven't slipped away completely. Just give me some time, can anyone meanwhile help to answer any of the above... concerns? I know, I really should go to a church, but there's a barrier, partly the abovementioned disgust at fakeness, partly laziness, and partly my adverse reaction (ok fear) to social activities.

I don't even know where this is going, I guess I wanted to say something else too... I don't think I'll feel remorse for failing tomorrow's Economics paper. It's the Prelims, and I have art to work on.

Expansion
Photoshop 7
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Cezanne wasn't Van Gogh's friend. That's right, I'm such an idiot... If you're wondering, yes I am going to fail art history.

For the first time I actually almost ran out of time to finish my essays. Hmmm, they were rather short though, but hey at least I wrote stuff this time (laughter). Hope I pass, especially the damn source-based question, I didn't even get bloody L4s for the last couple...

Now why am I speaking like someone who cares a hell lot about grades? I don't, I'm not supposed to... yea that's right... I don't. Good news: there's no parents' day after prelims, bad news: there isn't any bad news after this piece of good news. I shall concentrate on getting that A for art, that means finishing the rest of prep, that's all I really care about right now. Cs for the rest would do, hey 2 passes and a distinction sounds respectable don't it? And I'm talking about the As, I don't care about prelims. Forty-seven days eh...

I'm not supposed to care.

A social underclass exists in Singapore. One where a person wouldn't understand simple English, and couldn't tell the difference between short and thin or straight and frayed when he makes a bloody living from cutting people's hair. Bloody hell. I'm betting they put stupid rules in school just so idiots like this who haven't been to school can have jobs. And don't get me started on how these barbers expect you to know every bit of "barberist" vocabulary so you can explain to them exactly what you want, regardless of the fact that they can't follow instructions anyway. I don't even know what possessed me to go, my hair was perfectly fine. What about "hairdressers" and "saloons" you ask? It's all the same, all a facade. High Fashion and Art are terms people created so that after seeing that chick or dude in that magazine or poster or that TV screen you'll spend money on empty things that don't mean nuts, that you don't need, that shouldn't cost anything, and that usually don't cost anything to produce either. If you're slow, I'll tell you right now straight in the face that I am angry, and I do not care what you think about this entry or me as a result of having written this. Childish? Harsh? Vulgar? Baseless? Unfair? Prejudiced? Unforgiving? Who cares? If you have a problem, go take your self righteous political correctness, marry it and have sex and do whatever you want with it, but please die before you get to spread its wretched offspring. If you don't have a problem, good day sir (or madam) because you have the ability to realise that angry people write stupid things that they do not mean.

Good.

Watched a couple of BBC documentaries this evening, pretty insightful stuff, one was Holidays in The Dangerzone: Places That Don't Exist and it was about Georgia and its breakaway states, as well as how war could be imminent. I really like such shows (All BBC current affairs/human interest programmes tend to be good, Panorama, Simpson's World, Earth Report etc.), they peel away a lot of the superficiality and sensationalism (save for perhaps in the process of editing) in other (predominantly local or commercially-driven) media by following a correspondent through a journey. Almost everything is presented in truth because it's impossible to rehearse how the secret police of a country could be trailing you, how you'd be asked to stop filming, how tapes are confiscated, how passerby interviewees respond, how people's emotions flow freely, how an unexpected turn of events shape what the programme comes to stand for.

The second one was about the Beslan School Siege, the story told by the children. To be frank, it almost left me in tears. It's a tragedy, and it's horrific. It's interesting to see what the surviving children have to say about whatever happened and what they feel, from naiveity to grief to fear to hatred to vengeance. And the programme had no narration of any kind, just cuts of different children speaking (subtitled) accompanied by some rather compelling visuals, telling the story of what happened in the course of those 3 days, as well as the aftereffects, both physical and psychological. It's haunting, you don't ever want to imagine yourself in such positions. There was this boy who was a sort of acted as a guide through the school building ruins and similarly recounting the events, by the end of the programme, he said he desired to go to Chechnya to fight and avenge his father's death, and he was probably about what, 8?

What's my point here? I don't know really, maybe it's to recommend these shows to what readership I have, but I think it's also self-reflection... to hear and see about such happenings in this very world sort of renders my post 2 days ago obsolete, doesn't it? On the other hand, you could say that when things such as international terrorism and poor national diplomacy are so rampant and growing in magnitude and effect, there's no need to bother about the little things anymore.

And I didn't even realise it's already 11 September 2005.

Such is the nature of Man.

River Taxi
Photoshop 7
(Click to enlarge)

I spent most of the day reading - a mixture of websites, notes and wikis - as a continuation of last night's activity (did take a short nap though), whether I've really "studied" is not of any concern, it doesn't matter as long as I don't feel like I wasted time.

European Restoration. Congress of Vienna. Napoleon Bonaparte. Klemens von Matternich. Treaty of Paris. The Sixth Coalition. Divine Right of Kings. Protestant Reformation. Martin Luther. Augustinians. Septuagint. Mesoretic Texts. The Great Schism...

Wikipedia is simply bad.

But it's really fascinating stuff, same to read the discussion pages, never knew people could get so caught up with arguing over whether to use BC/AD or BCE/CE. I can't believe I didn't sleep because I was reading all that, and I'll still fail my exams.

mmm Age of Enlightenment...

I have no idea what I'm doing, everyone's studying like crazy, and me? Heh I guess I'm destined for doom, but who really cares (it's rhetorical, so please don't say, "me"), all they can do is show contempt at me and what happens after that? Life goes on.

I know you all think I have a very warped view of the world, probably even delusional to many. But have you ever really thought about it; wondered why? Why do we live like this? Why should I just be a tool in the production line of greater progress? Is this life? Really?

Blah blah blah there's more to it YES I KNOW, so why do we need this redundant purpose? Why must we, from birth to death, be reminded that we need cash cash cash to survive? Yes it's a common denominator created so that you won't have to worry about a dozen different forms of sustenance and whatnot, I've never denied that, but I DO NOT want to live with the constant fear that I will not make it, this fear will sooner or later manifest into something greater, a monster will take over and you will believe that it is essential, when in all truth it isn't. I do not want to live being intimidated by life itself, life is not about competition, not about money, not about fame or fortune...

So you say there's no way out.

Would I have to first succeed in this system in order to fight it? But when it is this success and proven usefulness of it to the greater economy that drives its very existence, do you have any credibility? Yet if you fail, the results are the same isn't it? BUT you would've taken the first step in showing that it does not work. If you are still able to live and not merely breathe and find fulfillment from that life, you would've proven that the system is flawed to the core.
Obviously this is why people would think I'm crazy, am I convinced enough by my own ideals to try it out? Would abandoning such seeming lunacy be deemed succumbing to the darkness or turning round to the right path?

Why do I even think about such things? Don't I have better things to do? Can anyone tell me in all frankness, that you do not think about things outside of school, social trends, pop culture, games, girls (or boys), and whatever it is you do?

I've had people tell me that the system is there, and it is naive to think that you can fight it, and stupid to think that anything good will come out of it. I ought to simply live life to the fullest, make the most of what you have and whatever the rest of it was. And you know what? I can't. Right now, "making the most" means STUDYING. And would you want to take a look at what I'm studying? You'll go, "Oooh Godwin thinks he's so special he doesn't need to study what 30,000 other kids his age are studying!" but whatever, don't tell me you like studying. Also note the recurring word study. Study study study, for what reason!? Do you even LEARN anything from any of it? I rest my case, really, continue on your path, I'll find my own way out of this labyrinth.

Cool shit.
Especially here.

Orca
Photoshop 7
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Made for a community wallpaper contest in celebration of the 10th anniversary of Command & Conquer (that's 4 links by the way), and also because the Orca is cool.

[Updated 8 September]

Pastel Cut
Photoshop 7

I'm bored.

Coursework Diptych, Untitled
Photoshop 7 & CS2
(Click to view in gallery)

I hate insects
I hate cities
I hate cars
I hate terrorists
I hate war
I hate peace

I hate political correctness
I hate egos
I hate gays
I hate lesbians
I hate lesbians
I hate hippies
I hate pacifism
I hate activism

I hate the pretentious
I hate the prejudiced
I hate the smart asses
I hate the way people think they're great
I hate the way people think they're right
I hate the way people think others are wrong

I hate everything, you may think
I hate nothing you assume I to be
I hate with reason
I hate hate without reason
I hate even though it's wrong to

is it so?
hate means nothing now
repeated twenty times
but the feeling remains
when nothing will change

Taking a break from painting (digitally that is). I'm not planning on sleeping tonight, it's fine since I don't have school tomorrow, just gotta head down to campus to hand the teachers the psd for print.

This is what it currently looks like:

Coursework, Untitled, Frame 2
Work in Progress
Photoshop 7
(Click to expand)

By the way go check out these cool bands if you like indie pop/rock (or emo if you insist) that doesn't involve screaming and sport some meaningful lyrics backed up by good vocals and music (if you know my taste, you know what I mean):

Mae - The Everglow is simply a great album
Copeland - nice lyrics, and Aaron Marsh can sing really high
Brandtson - a little heavy, but good nonetheless
Waking Ashland - great melodies
Sherwood - mixing influences from different genres makes for some unique sounds, nice harmonics
Veda - great singing from female vocalist Kristin May, imagine Sixpence None The Richer gone rock, sort of
Name Taken - rockin'
This Day and Age - a little more easy listening, but good songs
Daphne Loves Derby - great sound, and these guys are young

Nice web designs all-round too.
And of course there's DCFC and whatnot, the indie scene in the US is pretty darn rich, I know there's an (a growing one too) underground scene here in Singapore, but the scale, quality and aspirations just don't match up.

It was pretty cool meeting up with some of the guys from point1 again yesterday, everyone seemed rather surprised by how I look, due mostly to my hair, Mr Tim Lim even likened me to a certain Korean actor, but whatever. Yes Jefri, I slapped a teacher and got expelled, that's why I can sport such a hairdo; Ever so full of nonsense, he actually said that to J-Wong, who obviously didn't fall for it, "that would be the last thing coming from him" lol. Yes Eddy I "look damn poly". Heh, oh yea Edwin's cheesecake business (Eddy's Cheesecakes) is up and running, guess I shall help him promote it a little, since he was busy handing out namecards to just about everyone. If you want to order, email's eddiephua[at]hotmail[dot]com, and if you are wondering, you can take my word for it when I say he can bake.

Apparently I am supposed to appear in the school magazine or something for winning some art competition...thing? Well at least that's what Dalwinther Kaur said, don't know if she mistook me for another person or something, and I've taken part in so many art-things I don't even know what it's about, but it's good she actually remembered my name without prompting. We actually went all the way to the SP guild house where the teachers went for lunch because they all left so quickly. Saw and spoke to Carrie Cheah and Quek Yelik as well. All those memories... now I really wonder if NYJC would (or could) leave as big and deep an imprint on my life, but I suppose only time could tell.

Well, back to work.

Spaceframe
(Click to enlarge)