white space, white noise

Out
Photoshop 7

Why yes I did go out today, but more specifically I went to the HYPE gallery at The Arts House (old parliament building) to submit a piece of work. If you'd like to buy it, click here. I admit I priced it a little steeply, but you should see the prices some of the works are going at, I'd say it's absolutely outrageous. Anyways if anyone does indeed buy a print, I get 70% of the proceeds and the rest goes to the Budding Artist fund, which supports underprivileged children and youth who have innate artistic gifts. So do something for charity! (and me)

And oh yea, I'm assuming that's profits they're talking about, since the cost for the A2 print is something like $20, so I don't think it's all that unfair to sell it at $60. To put things into perspective, William decided to price all his works at $1 above base cost, so if he sells one, it means he only gets 70 cents. Great job dude. (haha)

You Fall
Photoshop 7

Isn't it sad when your teacher understands you better than your own parents?

Last Friday, while chatting after lunch, I was suddenly asked by Isaac, "do you hate your parents?" Sure it was in a jokingly manner since Marv was complaining of the angst and anger in so many teens today, and how he loved his parents and couldn't understand why "so many kids hated theirs". I don't doubt him, I know it's wrong to hate your own parents, but I was stumped, seriously.
A true moral dilemma - do you say the truth? Or the right thing? Frankly, I have no idea what "love" means, I don't think I've ever done anything to show "love" for my parents, or anyone for that matter, I just don't feel right doing it, as if it's not natural.

Yet do I hate them? Does anyone - any teenager - truly hate? Moreover their parents? I don't think so, but what I hate is how we can't talk normally, it's not just because I'm a teen, or going through some phase, it's real and there and happens on a daily basis. Me and my parents, we never had a relationship like that of friends, where we can talk just about anything. It's the generation gap, the completely opposing viewpoint on life, the language barrier. I'm sure it's the same for many others. And I absolutely hate all of it, I especially hate how they had to judge me completely differently the moment they found out that I got two Fs and an E.

So what?

Am I really blinded and lost in my own world of impossible dreams? Is it childish impulse to fight a system that cannot be removed, even when my intention is just to get a chance to live life the way I want to? Inexperienced? Myopic? Idealist? Am I just digging my own deep grave, slowly but surely? So what? Sometimes I just wished if I weren't a son of somebody, there won't be any expectations for me to "succeed". Because success is overrated.

Doesn't seem like quite that long, but so many things have happened.

Server upgrade.
Domain Change.
Problems with starting up MT.
Unable to solve problem.
Problem turned out to be minute detail.

So I'm back, just gotta fix those darned URLs...

Closing walls and ticking clocks.

Have you ever wondered, when you fail a subject in school, especially at JC level, what exactly are you failing at?

Well I have, and my conclusion is quite simple: nothing. Nothing other than the subject itself that is, nothing other than this whole A level thing. Just think about it, you're not failing at being a human being, you're not failing at values or ethics, you're not failing at life per se, you're just failing to make the grade; the grade put there to judge you, to judge whether you are fit to serve this society.

You must be wondering now then, so what am I doing here if I disagree so much with it? Well I've asked myself that a lot too, it's become quite confusing, and I have doubted my sanity several times before, is there really any truth in pursuing such an ideal? I don't think it is just an excuse for laziness or such "unproductive" behaviour, if you really think about it, there's nothing much to it than what I have described above. I don't want to live life doing things I don't like, doing things which do not benefit me as a person, yet it's such a great dilemma, 15 years in this country have definitely imbued in me some sort of urge or tendency to conform and the inevitability to be beat down by competition and comparison. As much as I complain, I fall back in, fighting the daily routine, following the crowd through everything. It's probably a blessing to be born and raised in this country, yes it's safe and stable and everything, but you'll never be truly happy unless you're blind.

Come out upon my seas, cursed missed opportunities

I'm not asking for time to be reversed, because it is precisely my experience which has made me what I am today. I'm only asking that I'll gain the courage to really do what I want to do in days to come, that I'll stand up for my ideas in the face of anything, and to speak. Noble? That's not the point at all, because at the end of the day, to fight against the system would mean getting shunned by everyone who worships this system. Stupid? Perhaps, but I don't really care anymore, all these human manifestations, made-up complexities, senseless chasing, I don't live for them.

Is there a middle ground? Am I justified in taking such an extreme view? Surely you can live in such a world and find something you like doing? Yes of course, and I have an idea of what I want, I just need to get there but somehow I don't think this is the way. My purpose in fighting the system is not to bring in to its knees. My point is that it is inflexible and incapable of meeting human needs, rather than economic and social needs. It is already here, and isn't leaving anytime soon, like everything else we have to make the best of what we have, and all I'm suggesting is to live life true to your set of beliefs. I'm suggesting to break the barriers, break the facades, break the conventions, and just let people live, for real.

Am I a part of the cure, or am I part of the disease?

Haha.

Baybeats 2005
Photoshop 7
(Click for 1024x768 wallpaper, 1200x900 version available here)

Baybeats was cool, I was there the entire evening yesterday and checked out some 10 bands. Some were good, some bad, and some inbetween. Lunarin was definitely one of the better ones, so was Disco Biscuits, but their performance was cut short by the rain, and thus I also missed the Freelove show. Ah well, anyways Plush was really cool, being an all-girl band and stuff, they really rocked the arena, so did Brandtson, much much better than the other bands which were so focused on screaming nonsense (most notably Brand New Sunset). Surreal was not too bad, but Vertical Rush was a tad disappointing, I never expected them to sound so emopunk, and Set for Glory? Forget it, they're not. Oh yea there was also the added bonus of having F16s and F5s, Hawkeyes, Super Pumas, Chinooks and whatnot roar overhead, as well as hearing the defeaning cracks from the artillery salute, plus an upclose fireworks display due to the NDP rehersal. Shall be uploading the photos soon.

I would've gone today as well, but I had work to do. Okay okay I admit it I didn't do much work at all, I stayed home most because I wanted to catch Minority Report, and damn was it good. The visuals; the whole look; acting; the story; the whole concept were all kinda mind-blowing.

So, here comes another week - of torture, if I may add. Let's hope I survive, and not least because there's Parents Day on Friday. I don't even see the point, what can parents do anyway if I'm failing at school? What are they gonna do? Beat me? Take away the computer? Oh no you can't do that, and for the last time, this machine is not evil, neither is the Internet.

From the Sketchbook
Sketches
(Click to enlarge)

Also an exercise in colour and design and stuff, whatever. I think the above presentation looks better than what they're linked to heh. Anyways, today was a rather uneventful day, most productive period was for art, completed two drawings for prep, drawings which I liked too. Oh yea, I passed GP - but just barely - damn the essay, I hate the comments on there, they're so...full of snide and, nevermind. Tomorrow, I do nothing, and then go check out Baybeats, and oh yea congrats to the juniors who got commended for the UOB POY competition, still can't believe NJ got the grand prize, this must be like what, the first time a student got it in the open category? Must check out the work, but anyway, I still think competitions - especially when it's to do with art - are stupid.

Charge
Photoshop 7
(Click to enlarge)

There's some history behind this piece, it's based on concept from AR2, which is mentioned in the "about" section of this site. Perhaps we did spend too much time than worthwhile on a Red Alert 2 mod, but I don't think I lost much in the 3 or so years I spent on it, and still think it is one of the best RA2 mods around. The mod is more or less stagnant now, it's just the truth that it's not much fun modding such an old game, and especially when so many ideas cannot be translated ingame.
Anyways, it's been a long time since I did any artwork for it, and because AR2 is what really got me into digital art, it's very interesting to trace the development in skill and evolution of style through the work I've done for it over the years.
This was inspired by a photo I saw yesterday in a book about photography - my AEP classmates should know, since I was taking photos of the book, heh - and reference was used for the face.

To say that I'm angry.

Damn. I have no idea what he likes about her, other than the fact that she's pretty (not all that much anyway), but she's so bloody whiney and bossy, and the worst part is that it only shows when not around my parents, so I can't tell what's the real her.
That's fine and all really, since it's in actual fact my brother's problem and not mine, but no, she just has to come over to my place almost everyday, and guess what she does? Play Maple Story. This, people, is the ultimate "WTF" moment. Hi, if nobody has noticed, I have coursework - that's due at the least the end of July - to work on, it's three massive panels of a digital painting, and it's only on this machine that I can work on it. Oh yea it's my home, I have a right to ask to use the computer, and she'll probably let me, but I just can't see how that adds up, I don't think it should even come to such a stage. It's as if this is her second home (which by right it probably is), you have no idea what I mean when I say she's always here. She's 22 (or something) why doesn't she go get a bloody job?

Whatever, so I didn't get any work done yesterday (yes I actually came home wanting to do work), yes I threw somewhat of an implicit tantrum by closing my door with a little more force than usual and locking myself in the room; and yes I was angry. He did come and ask me if I needed to use it, but I was like whatever, I don't think I have to ask to begin with (no I didn't say that, just said no). I slept for ten hours.

That's not the whole picture though, you see, this computer is supposedly, technically mine - ever since the other one blew. Note emphasis. It's still in my brother's room because he hasn't gathered the funds to buy his bloody macintosh yet, and I wonder what he spends on. I was about to start work just now, only to find that D Drive had 0 bytes free, which, by the way was still at 2 gigs on Sunday. So I didn't care, I deleted the 8 gigs of Smallville shittorrents which he doesn't watch anyway, I'll contemplate deleting The OC and trash songs that nobody in this house listens to.

You probably think I need anger management classes or something, but to put things into perspective, if this was a few years back I'd probably be throwing books and stationery at the wall and whatnot, these days I just punch the walls.

Anyways, life's fine I guess, I have officially completely failed History. We get our Art History grades tomorrow, which I'm quite sure I'll fail anyway since I only did 2 questions. I overuse fail.
It's interesting what was touched upon in Econs today, it's creepily similar to my situation, yet should I really drop out of school since I find it so meaningless? He's right though, I'll need to know where to go, I do have a passion, it's art indefinitely, but in Singapore? If you study art in Singapore, it's most likely your only career prospect is to be a teacher. But then again, whoever said I wanted a career? The only reasons I'm still at it is because I don't want to waste the past year and a half, and I think I'm afraid to take the path less trodden.

It's coming, are you going?

'Nuff said.

It was shocking, and interesting at the same time, to see London on the news again today, but for a reason totally different from the TV coverage it's been getting yesterday after winning the 2012 Olympics bid, and the Live 8 concerts just a week ago. Such is the world we live in, where everything could change in the blink of an eye, quite literally. Why are there people who turn to such acts of cowardice, treachery and terror to achieve (if that's even possible) their goals? Ah well, pray that the Londers will get through it fine, but what would the future bring? We can't know for sure, but it's good to know that at least the G8 meeting will be staying on track and on agenda.

Yet all that happens only serves to illustrate the paradoxes in this world. Can the problem of global poverty ever truly be solved? Isn't poverty a term used relative to the wealth of the world at large? Now Economics might teach us a thing or two about how to answer these questions, but sadly, I don't think it has for me, or my friends.

Today was the first day of school after a long break and the exams, and it was also the day we got back a couple of our papers and were revealed the not very surprisingly horrific grades. After discussion with a couple of friends, it became even clearer to me that the system is highly flawed, yet one suggested that only when you do well then can you put down the system, perhaps lending you credibility to do so. I can see his point, but wouldn't that instead be proving that you've succeeded in society's eyes? Seems more like self-righteousness to me to say "I did it on my own", and you certainly do not use the very system you disagree with as a means to prove your point that it is flawed, because doing that only disproves your point! But then again, this concept of success and failure is only determined and imposed upon by external factors, would you rather live for others or yourself? My ideas are selfish? I beg to differ, I'm not saying shun society; or go killing people, I'm saying people should start living, and not just breathing; find a meaning in their lives, and not just do things because that's what everyone does. I believe I've already previously talked about why I don't believe in this system, I'm not saying you should be "crazy" and follow me, I'm just saying it's rather glaring that the way things are doneis wrong, and it's not stupid to fight it. At least for now.

Just in case it concerns anyone, I got an AO pass for Econs and most probably an F for History since that's what I got for the SEA paper, EH is not a thing I'll ever bet on pulling my grade up.

And now, on a lighter note, this is hilarious stuff. Which I agree with a lot, no not the thing about striking them out of our collective vocabularies, but their meanings, it's just so true. =)

Some excerpts:

Blogger: Term used to describe anyone with enough time or narcissism to document every tedious bit of minutia filling their uneventful lives. Possibly the most annoying thing about bloggers is the sense of self-importance they get after even the most modest of publicity. Sometimes it takes as little as a referral on a more popular blogger's website to set the lesser blogger's ego into orbit.

Then God forbid a blogger gets mentioned on CNN. If you thought it was impossible for a certain blogger to get more pious than he was, wait until you see the shit storm of self-righteous save-the-world bullshit after a network plug. Suddenly the boring, mild-mannered blogger you once knew will turn into Mother Theresa, and will single handedly take it upon himself to end world hunger with his stupid links to band websites and other smug blogger dipshits.

Emo: An abbreviation for loser. Emo is the new goth, except goths are still around, so it's becoming almost unbearable.

Metrosexual: A gay guy still in the closet. This word is so contemptible that even the man who coined it has since apologized for being such a douche. I cringe every time I hear this word.

iPod: This is one of those inventions that makes people say: "why didn't I think of that?" On news shows anyway. One of the anchors on FOX News said "now the music industry is waiting for someone to come along and invent the next iPod." Wow, if only I had thought of the bright idea of putting an mp3 player on a portable hard drive. Damn that's brilliant. I had that idea years ago. I also have another idea: a car that can fly. I will sue anyone who makes it.

Coursework, Untitled, Frame 3, cropped
Work in Progress
Photoshop 7
(Click to expand)

I'm not going to finish it by tomorrow, but I don't care.
There's no way you can expect me to not be angry about it. The quality that's demanded of a piece this size is... crazy, I can get paid hundreds for just one panel I reckon, depending on skill of course. And I'm doing it as schoolwork, there's no way anyone can demand a deadline from me. I've said it before and I'll say it again, it's my prep, my paper, my exam, if I don't get an A, it's my problem, not yours, thank you and have a nice day.

So yea what happened these past few days, watched Live 8, MTV, stupid shows, read up unecessarily on Star Wars, skinned some stuff, blah blah. Nothing anybody cares about anyway. You all just want to see pictures, so pictures you shall get.

Window Seat
F16 Texture
Photoshop 7
(Click to expand)