white space, white noise

Can it get anymore ironic? I'm not one who cares much about my own birthday, but I'm far from happy on this day.

There's a ton of stuff I'd just like to blurt out - like everyone else does, heh - but something's stopping me. No it's nothing that will get me in trouble with the authorities, I'm just not in the mood to stir things up with people I have to see everyday. Yet to what extent should one be truthful? Will you ever tell someone you hate him or his actions? Is it ever right to hate? Does it take any less courage to do it via a weblog?

I've learnt a couple of things from other people; that's if you have something you'll never say in the face of a person, then don't say it at all, anywhere anyhow to anyone. And things can only turn ugly afterwards if you decide to say such things on a blog.

This might have gotten some of you feeling insecure; heck I feel that way a lot too, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. When you have friends who start treating other friends differently behind their backs, it makes you wonder about certain things. Like who is in more wrong - the outcast, or the other group - and whether there's any good to stand up for on either side; and whether you are treated the same way. Anyway I digress, if I know that you read this blog and chat with you and stuff, chances are I have no problems with you.

I can't help it though, I've been thinking about friends. I'm afraid of having no friends, really. I'm afraid of losing my friends, afraid of not having friends in a new environment. Then there's also the "what's a friend to you?" episode. I haven't found the answer to that, or the opposite "what kind of friend are you?".

If you need a physical analogy, here's one. Having a good 120 or so local contacts on MSN, how many do I actually talk to? Of those whom I do, how regularly? So is this friendship here? For an introvert (most of the time) like me, how else would I share and maintain them but on the internet? And of course there's the thing about distance. Yet look at the 48 ACSians, I barely chat with them anymore. Still friends or just acquaintances? And then I think about my current friends in school, are things going to be the same in a couple of years time? What happens then? Don't get me started on how frivilous Friendster is. Friendship is built on shared experiences, but are you willing to let them turn into mere memories?

Perhaps it is best to not think about such things at all and let things flow naturally, but it's rather fascinating (worrying) anyhow.

Edge

Domes

53

Flip

No this is not turning into a photoblog or whatever, I'm just... filling up the space. I don't claim to possess any great abilities in photography, these were just me attempting to be - ahem - artistic. But really, imagine if you were busy or were lacking time, wouldn't you think that photography, as a digital visual medium, is much "easier" than painting? Well it sure does take less time, but I think the creative process is almost wholly different and requires an almost totally different set of skills, and it doesn't lower its place at all as an artform. Having said that, it probably takes more time, if you really wanted to get good shots, you'd have to be really familiar with your medium, equipment and patient too.

Just wait, computer's more or less online now and new paintings should be coming soon.

Haven't posted here for some time, somehow I feel that there's nothing much to say, so something special happens, so what? Who cares really, why do I bother? But anyhow, here goes...

Had career seminar on Friday, which meant that most J2s went to school dressed in office workwear, you know, long sleeved shirts, leather shoes, ties and all - stuff I'll never want to wear on a daily basis. So we started the day with a talk by this businessman dude who is probably the most arrogant and delusional individual I have ever met. He's the kind of person who's giving all the working-class people (who love what they do) hell, you know, like the artists and programmers at EA we've heard about. Get it through your thick skull: Money is not everything, and you cannot simply exploit people to meet your own needs. But hey, to each his own, if that's what drives his life so be it, I don't really care. But on the other hand, it's sad, what will he be thinking of on his deathbed? Will he ever realise that he wasted his life as a slave to the capitalist machine, chasing things that won't matter at all in the end - even if he's going to retire by 40?

Anyway, after that I attended the Business/Finance talk. I know, not exactly ideal, but it was the best of the rest (Teaching? Social services? Performing arts? What the hell?). It was interesting and entertaining, and also enlightening to an extent. The two speakers were much better here, nothing much about business per se, but of course, if you wanted to know the practical things, you'd learn them in business school.
What they spoke about pertained more to how to live, and the right attitude as well as approach towards life as a businessman/entrepreneur, and also what a career should be defined as. The second speaker during this session, who was a financial planner/insurance agent kinda guy was a hilarious man, he gets the point across very well, and gives some good pointers (way better than the afore-mentioned arrogant bastard) I mean, if he retires by 40 (which he does aim to), he could be a standup comedian!

After that we had some grooming session thing. More of a common-fashion-sense-for-those-who-lack-it session actually. Hey, I'll wear whatever I like, if I think I look good in it, then I do, who gives a rat's ass about fashion trends and whatever crap about handsomeness and how you can't wear what if you're not. And I totally did not appreciate the slur on ACS by Evelyn See, to think she used to teach at I, makes you wonder why she left after such a short period... Why the hell is she now some... whatever, style consultant? Oh I'm sure black is so in.

Anyways, what did I learn that day? Nothing really, just gained some valuable insight and that long sleeved shirts are bloody uncomfortable.

Now let's fast-forward to yesterday, Sunday - because I did absolutely nothing on Saturday. (note that weekdays are not worth mentioning anymore)
I attended Rhapsody II that evening, this AJC Band and Chinese Orchestra combined concert. Yes, that's not a typo, Anderson JC. Why? Well, because I was... invited; ok fine just to support a friend, and I guess I wanted to meet some people whom I've been chatting with and whose blogs I've been reading for around 8 months or so.
It was really weird, I would tell myself no big deal, you're just attending some concert, who cares if people know you or not, but often times it just hits home and I would feel so left out, wondering what in the world I was doing there (the fact that almost everyone was bloody attached didn't help much, lol). They're great people really, 31/04, laughed a whole lot, but barely spoke and kinda regretted it. Then again, it's nothing that could be helped, I guess I only have myself to blame since I just cannot go crappy and crazy with people I barely know - in person. I don't know, perhaps there may be another reason to meet again, but I doubt it, even if I wished that these guys could've been my real classmates or something, they're not.

Regardless, I don't ask for that anyway, I'm just grateful for such a nice bunch of people whom I could call friends. I had a good time with good company; the concert was great, and the Esplanade Concert Hall was pretty damn cool. Props to those who performed (Enling and Cheryl).

So that's all I guess, last week of school's here, got a couple of makeup lessons during the holidays, but other than that, it's mostly intensive studying and preparation (if I so choose, which I will if I'm more than halfway sane) for the midyears.

My project is about truth; not the relative Truth, but truthfulness in presentation. It is about contempt; for what the world has become. It is about resignation; to the fact that nothing could be changed. It is about revelation; of blindness in the ways we live.

It is about man. It's about his senselessness. It's about money. It's about his love for money. It's about evil.

It is about me. It is not just some issue I decided to tackle, like I said in the first line, I believe wholly in it. You cannot make art which you have no attachment to. Some said I should have added a more personal touch in it, but define that please. Does a piece of work need to feature your face, your body, in it to signify personal attachment?

It is about life. It's about the intangibles of life. It's about rejection of the material. I suppose creation via a digital medium only enhances that notion, the work is turned valueless due to its copiable nature, but that wouldn't ever change its meaning. Art is as much about the idea as it is about the product.

It is not about a grade. I am only concerned with Art when I do this.
It is about Art.

It's ironic that so many people - parents and friends - have commented about the length of my hair, yet no teacher, not the head of the Arts Faculty, Discipline Head, or even the Principal have said anything. Compassion or indifference? Regardless, my point is to question why is it that males have to keep short hair when females can really, do whatever they want with theirs, with many end up looking like crap anyway? Why is it that people of the same age studying in polytechnics and other institutions can do whatever they want to their hair - besides colouring? How many people; how many friends practice what they preach and not judge books by their covers? What does your outward appearance say about your inner-self? And how does society judge appearances?
Let's just say that I'm conducting an experiment to find these things out, and I don't really care what you think, I'm definitely not going to the barber until the end of next week.

I'm still alive, I just haven't found a reason to post anything, since I have nothing to talk about, I guess I shall talk about why I have nothing to talk about. I haven't been doing anything much lately; not doing my homework; not skinning; not painting; not chatting much either. I just have no idea why... burnout? That can't be it; that'd be scary, especially since I haven't even put in my most for anything yet. I need some time.

So, Nanyang won the A div boys' volleyball and got a silver for the girls'. Eh yea whatever, just saying so. It was quite a waste to send down practically the whole school when only about a quarter of us there were really cheering, but I can understand what it feels like since I've experienced the same thing before back in AC. It's hard to get going when no one around you is hyped up, I'd like to blame the Student Council for that, but then again, I don't really care. Just give me a half day.

Damn that sounded really cheap. So I shall rephrase myself - for the hardwork everyone's put in, I think we deserve a break. Oh by the way, I strongly believe that we need at least 3-day weekends.

I probably won't be posting more speed/practice paints or the likes until this computer gets moved to my room, or out of the way of somebody. That also means until my brother buys his Mac mini.

I just heard this song at the end of a BBC documentary on Johannes Vermeer. It's by a Gary Jules, and I swear I've heard it before, somewhere, but it was sung by a female (I think). I just can't remember where! Take a listen and see if it rings any bells.

Just saw Chase for the first time (by chance) on Channel 5, gotta say it's one of the better local drama productions for a while (which aren't on Arts Central, but the Singapore Short Story Project and its likes had rather bad acting anyway), I just like the whole feel of it, the high contrast dramatic light and colours(that Money and Chemistry look), camera techniques and good (by local TV standards) acting. Can't say much about the story since I haven't caught it before, but I feel that there could be better flow. And you can hear Corrinne May's new songs too.
Whatever, you can tell that I'm bored.

Just realised I haven't posted anything for almost a week. I'm just not really into this whole blogging thing of letting people know what I've done or what I want to do or what I think, unless of course, it directly affects or involves them. Guess that's why so many people think they know very little about me, yet it seems like in these past 2 years I've made a number of friends who know more about me than most people before have ever - with exceptions obviously.

Is there really that much to know about somebody? So what if you do? What is friendship to you? What am I to you?

I've lost my 2000 or so tracks and just looped Embrace's Gravity for about the tenth time. Marvin, if you're reading this, return me the DCFC cd.

I'm not in school, again. There's basically only GP today anyway, and it's at the end of the day. I won't say I'm sick even though I am because people will say "get well soon" when I'm already well. Oh well.

We had this little talk yesterday about time management; I felt so much conflict within myself.

Is it wrong to not place school at the top of your priority list? Is it thus wrong to not plan your time for your exams? Then why study? That is your role as a student and you should fulfil it. Well it's not like I had a choice. That's just life. No it isn't, whoever made life such a mad rush for things you don't believe in or care about? You can't escape it. Can't I?

And I don't believe I'm the only one thinking such thoughts.

This is cool.
This is too.
This is funny.
And so is this.