white space, white noise

Somehow, hearing good news from those who got their results today brought back memories of my own experience last year. That feeling of abandonment, of regret, of fear, of sorrow. It just seemed like everyone did better; was going somewhere better; was happy, everyone but me. And I cried. But that was last year. I have gotten well over it and learnt to accept life as it is because nothing is ever as bad as it seems.

Indeed, the best is yet to be.

Tomorrow is Founders' Day, happy 119th, ACS.

Note to the human race: Warning. If you know that you are not prepared to or capable of it, do not bear a child only to have him lead a sad, miserable and ultimately useless life on this world because at the end of the day, he'll only grow to hate you for it.

To hell with economic survival.

So I skipped school yesterday because, due to bad time management and a craving to practise my trade, I spent most of my weekend skinning stuff and had no time left to do anything else. Yay for me. Well so as I was saying, I skipped school to do my art, and consultation actually turned out pretty well today, and I should have four drawings and a digital print ready for the critique session on Friday.

Ok so you didn't need to know that, and you are not interested in how I wasted my entire weekend. I don't even know why I blog, I said that it'd be to mock others so engrossed in this pasttime, but obviously I possess neither the wit, creativity, or finesse in language needed to do that, so whatever, I shall be different and post more pictures because I'm just that bad with words.

Oh yea, the site should be up sometime next week, I'll be (re)designing it this weekend and getting someone to code it and stuff, after that I'll upload all my old work for you to laugh at.

One more thing, passerby: Do I know you? Well you're obviously from the island, and most definitely not from my alma mater or the college, I'm guessing a junior or someone else from msn, whatever it is, hi.
With regards to your shout, it depends on what is cheena anyway doesn't it? So how would you define "cheena"? The way I see it, it describes someone who does automatically exude a certain degree airheadedness within his or her misuse of Chinese as the primary or preferred language of communication.
Of course this may not be following convention, but why would anyone be labelled with a derogatory term if there was really nothing wrong with the person in the first place? I refuse (try not) to discriminate simply based on a simple characteristic like language, it's almost equivalent to racism. When bringing something like airheadedness or plain stupidity into the picture, it'd indicate that you know enough about a person to pass such a judgement.

It shouldn't take a genius to realise that I was pissed, it never works dropping little hints for them to shut up, bloody hell. I should cool down, I know that, but can someone please convince me that cheenaness has nothing to do with being immature or stupid? I have nothing against people who speak Chinese and do not wish to overgeneralise, in fact I admire those who can speak it fluently, but what I absolutely hate is the ah lian culture that's so prevalent in Singapore - wait, let me correct myself there - in Nanyang JC. Fact is, when you neglect or are deprived of English from such an early age in a society that's centred around it - and by society I don't mean your neighbourhood - you lose out on a lot. Airhead, that's the word. Yes, everyone has the capacity to learn and understand, but when you're 18 and have no interest in (for example) what's going on in Iraq, you just won't pay attention to such a lecture, in fact, you run the danger of having an enlightening and biased viewpoint being implanted in your naive mind.

I disgress. I don't even know how to continue, in fact, I no longer feel like talking about what I originally set out to.

Gonna fail GP again, but it's the stupidest subject ever, taught and examined in the stupidest method possible. I don't care if I almost topped the level last year or whatever because it doesn't mean anything to me anymore.

If you think I'm someone who hates the world, you're probably right and wrong.

I don't know why, but I think I found myself in a better mood this Wednesday afternoon than I've been in the past, especially during meetings with girls from IJTP on the publicity material. I guess I can speak my mind when there're no awkward barriers around, like people whom you fear wouldn't understand a thing you say.

Damn my arrogance.

I need time, I slept from 7 to 10 straight after getting home; I need real sleep, I deprive myself of it, doing what I have no idea; I need time, I haven't done a ton of homework. Is the anxiety setting in? Well, I guess it's always better late than never.

"Drawing is the honesty of the art. There is no possibility of cheating. It is either good or bad." - Salvador Dali

Let me introduce you to my life. It revovles around a number of decisions which I have to make each and every day. More or less in chronological order from the start of day to the end of day:

Whether to go to school.
Whether to do my homework.

Actually that's all there is to it, sad huh? Between those two though, there are smaller things like "whether to sleep", "whether to attend class", "whether to do my homework" - wait, I've said that already - and "whether to blog" which occupy my mind. When at home, I usually end up doing nothing at all while weighing the pros and cons of each choice.

I often also ask myself whether being a student means you have to dedicate your life to school for, well, your success.

Damn the weather.

Cold War Crisis (crop)
Photoshop 7 photo manipulation

So I got the package today; finally after almost two months of waiting. Most of you guys may not know that I entered a desktop wallpaper-making contest hosted by the Cold War Crisis mod with the above image (click to enlarge). Well I got the first prize and the aforementioned package arrived containing a German C&C Generals Deluxe Edition, three t-shirts (that sorta fit, but would I seriously walk around town with a shirt that screams EA GAMES?) and a mousepad (which is pretty cool, it's this plastic board thing, but it's not going to fit on the desk beside my Wacom). Yes those guys really should've had a country restriction in the contest rules. Thanks to Shadow from the team again for all the trouble he went through to send this parcel all the way from Germany to Singapore.

Oh yea almost forgot to mention that the composition was inspired by the art of Jody Harmon. Great surrealist and military artist, this is the drawing I got the idea from.

Extended entry for replies to shouts...

Pink
Painter 7 with reference

And I don't even know who she is. (click for larger view)

Happy Chinese New Year.

I had originally wanted to paint something that has to do with City 17 (ie Half Life 2's majority game environment) since this is the 17th post, but fatigue - ok laziness - got the better of me. The dark theme may also have not fit in well with this festive season, but what am I saying, I don't really care about Chinese New Year anyway. Apart from the mood that emanates from this (supposedly) joyous occasion, as well as various forms of quirky traditions that push people in the pursuit of well, money basically, there's really nothing more to it. Sure it promotes some healthy values like family bonding and such, but has this festival become such a farce and proven itself obselete that people have to continuously come up with new ideas to keep the tradition alive; to keep people entertained?
In all its efforts to preserve their heritage, has society undermined its noble intent by introducing and creating evermore ridiculous and over-enthusiastic celebratory events that in fact turn many people off? Oh this phenomenon of course does not only apply to Chinese New Year, take Christmas for example, also known more recently as the Shopping-for-presents-to-exchange-and-celebration-of-a-man-called-santa Day. Ok so it's not a fair comparison, but you get the picture; the loss of meaning in the things we do because they are marred by modern liberal and consumerist ideals.

Now make no mistake, I am not promoting any particular political stance - what political stance is there here anyway - but I have been known to be rather politically incorrect, once again I shall say that these are purely my views, call it whining, call it bitching, but you don't have to read it if you don't want to.

I should just stick to posting pictures because it's just so damn much easier...

Heat
Painter 7 with no reference

Promotional artwork for an unannounced mod project. (click for larger view)

How the hell does it make sense?

You wake up with a bad headache, and you decide that you're unfit for school. You inform your teacher about it, who in turn replies saying that a medical certificate is required. Now that you're feeling better are you supposed to go to a doctor just beacuse the bloody art department needs you to?

Go eat shit and die, damnit, letters are there for a reason because people do in fact fall ill occasionally, illness which prevents them from going to school, illness which does not require the attention of a medical practitioner, which is also why we have drugs and medication which could be bought off the shelf at pharmacies because we can actually (surprise surprise) take care of ourselves.
Has the world become so trecherous a place that everything must warrant for official documentation for evidence? What has the role of doctors been degraded to thus? Are parents also not people of authority and integrity as well? Why do you automatically assume that the guardians will be in cahoots with the child?

So what, so what even if I were lying? Is it not entirely possible that I actually have reasons for such an action? Stop thinking of yourself on this high horse of authority. Has sympathy become a lost emotion? Mercy? Understanding? What kind of teachers are the Ministry cultivating?

Please, shut the hell up because you couldn't have possibly answered any of those questions.

Angels and Mortals
I don't get what's so exciting about this "game".

Mrs Ho
So couples can do whatever they want as long as they're not in the school uniform.

Salvador Dali
The difference between him and a madman was that he was weird without being mad.

Thursday
Not too bad a day, wrote a totally incoherent essay for the GP test, but do I look like I care?

Friday
Last day of the week, and damn, bring on the breaks 'cause I need it.

There is a treason at sea

I am solo in this world of water
Only the tip of a sunrise visible
Like the morning light in a little girl's eyes
I crave this freedom
I find it only in this little ship
Just my soul and this bread and butter
I am comfortable
But there is a treason at sea
Is it me?
It is a wonder, supernatural cover of war
The dark ones who eternal in damnation grow
Set about me now
How they whine and crow
I am solo
In this world of wet
And bitter is my temperament
I close the door to sentiment
And I relish all my youth
I realize that I am doomed
Fear of love and fear of You
But You give me the keys to paradise
It is You who sympathize
You and Your perfection grow
I am cradled in Your oceans throw
I crave Your freedom in this little ship
For You alone can chart my trip
And like these waves I lose my grip
And I sink into Your arms

-Dc Talk

Wanted to make a small painting for the above, but time is precious, I can be very hardworking and dedicated when the situation calls for it.

Anyways, fixed up her hair a little, now she doesn't look so squashed, it's not perfect, but I think it looks better.

Also added a link to a larger version of Move Like You've Got a Purpose, enjoy.

Crappy no. 1
Painter 7 & Photoshop 7 with reference

I dunno, I was bored, the magazine was just lying around.